this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
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Most teens don't want to put anything up there because it hurts, even tampons hurt as a virgin especially with 0 lube. I never liked regular dildos, most women do not orgasm through penetration. So I would say they are messing with you. I've had guys ask me if I ever experimented with pencils or rulers because if they were a girl they would do it. No, wtf only guys think women are like this.
Uhh. Hi, woman here...RIP my inbox but I think it's important parents talk to teenagers of all genders about this and consider having them look for toys they can experiment with if they express interest. Just because we don't orgasm from penetration doesn't mean it feels bad lol. Better they have toys available so they're less likely to use something inappropriate.
I agree parents should talk with their kids, I never meant to allude to that. But I disagree that penetration doesn't feel bad, for me it feels painful without lube and with lube it feels not painful but never enjoyable. Vibrators are the only thing that feels good, that much is universal among the women I've talked to.
Well, not that I think it has to be your experience by any means, that's part of the beauty of life - we're all a bit different and into different things. I do quite enjoy penetration without need for lube (I mean, I do need to have natural lube, obviously). I usually get myself there with just hands and might use a dildo when I'm worked up enough. Vibrators are great, no doubt. I don't typically use toys, though, honestly. I did more in my teens when I was ignorant to how my body worked lol. Which is why I wrote the OG comment...I didn't have appropriate toys, and it caused some shame on occasion. I knew it felt good but didn't feel safe talking to my parents about it.
Understandable. I was never into penetration and thought I was weird but after talking to more women and then reading Come As You Are, it clicked that I was actually normal and in the majority (80% are like me). Not that being in the minority is weird, if you read the book you'll find that is actually normal too. I hate masturbation or sex without a vibrator lol. I never felt safe talking to my parents either, they were super religious and invaded my privacy regularly. I was an adult before getting toys, and everything sex related sucked before them.
My understanding is 80% of people with a uterus don't climax from penetration, not that we find it necessarily unenjoyable (which is true for me, too; I do need clitoral stimulation to climax). I've taken courses on women's studies, feminist philosophy, etc. to overcome the problematic religious attitudes my parents had, too - and lots of therapy! I'll see if my library has that book available, though. I'm always interested in learning more.
I'm really sorry you had that experience growing up, though, that's awful. As normal as our experiences felt to us having privacy invaded and all the shame, that much shouldn't be normalized! I'm glad you've found what works for you, and I wish you all the most pleasurable experiences around it throughout the rest of your life 💝
It feels like nothing but rubbing for me? Idk. But I definitely recommend the book. I'm not saying those 80% hate penetration, but it isn't a big part. I know when I talked to my gyno about painful sex, she said use plenty of lube and orgasm before penetration. Very good advice in case anyone needs it.
I'm glad you found relief from the religious oppression. We need less shaming and better sex ed for everyone. Thanks for your wishes, I wish you the same!
Oh gotcha, I totally agree it's not a big part at all! Honestly, I didn't experience an orgasm until well after I became sexually active, and very rarely with a partner since. It's extremely important to me as I'm back "on the market" now and have really struggled in past relationships with it. I enjoy the whole aspect to it, exploring whole bodies, but I would very much like to find a relationship where my partner prioritizes helping me climax and has some patience with me on it.
By chance, did you talk with your gyno about vaginismus? Not sure if I'm spelling that right, but I've had a few friends mention that it's painful, one friend saying she couldn't wear tampons or anything. I could see why orgasming first would help the muscles to relax
Girl same, it took me a couple of guys and years before I had an orgasm. Luckily my current partner is very patient with me and I hope you find someone like that too. I feel like a lot of maybe younger or inexperienced guys just jackhammer a girl and then they're done ugh. Sorry for misunderstanding you earlier, looks like we had much more in common than I thought! Judging by the down votes it looks like I said something offensive, and I just wanted to say sorry about that. This is just my experience.
I think I did ask about that and since she doesn't have trouble inserting the speculum she said I didn't have it. I use menstrual cups with lube just fine, although I do use a cup on the softer side.
Hey, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond but you had nothing to apologize for! I appreciated the conversation and had some confusion, but that's why I originally commented to get clarification:) I enjoyed the chat, though, and hope you're doing well!
I've seen a girl use a syring (without the needle) and put a ziplock bag over it and fuck herself on cam with me. College teens are horny and creative lol
We're all horny and creative - seen one use a deodorant can... in the front of the car... while I was driving...and stuck in traffic.
Those of us who don't live with parents just don't need to get creative - just buy what you want, or want to try, or your partner wants to try. Three drawers committed to turning her into a sexy puddle.
Wow, you're quite a connoisseur
Getting there myself. My girl deserves every piece of joy she can get, and I do too (hehe)
I wouldn't say connoisseur - it's like they select fine wine and appropriate pairings after careful consideration. We're more like "24 pack and a goon bag" and see where we end up. Never stop trying new things and exploring with someone you trust.
That's pretty cool!
Yeah we have one such set that includes just about everything to spice things up. Not necessarily best grade stuff, but a nice starting point to figure out good directions!
Found the Australian? Or is it the states that use goon bag? I thought it was space bag in the states.
Kiwi, but we use similar lingo.
Ah, sorry. I am not too well versed in the lingo over there (Aus or Kiwi). I based my entire comment off of a song (wingnut dishwashers union - Jesus does the dishes). The original lyric mentions space bags, but when the artist was in Aus he changed it to goon bags. Didn't think I'd learn that much from a folk-pink song. Also worth checking out if you wanna hear someone playing acoustic guitar and yelling.
Girls experiment.
You can downvote me but my girlfriend literally did what you're describing with a pencil when she was younger, I'm sure she's not the only girl in the world to have done that.
I'm not going to down vote you lol, I haven't down voted anyone in this thread. There is no wrong answer or response. I do feel bad for her though, pencils are sharp even when unsharpened, I can't imagine that felt good. Did she wrap it in a condom? How old was she?
Fuck knows, I didn't ask. Young, I think. Maybe it was the blunt end?
That bit about tampons isn't true at all, and has nothing to do with virginity. Nothing fundamentally changed about your body when you had sex. You were just using tampons badly.
You're probably right, I never used lube with tampons but if I did it might not have hurt so bad. I did feel it was less tight putting them in once my virginity was gone but it still felt like tearing using them so maybe that was just me. Just now I tried searching but all I got was tampons don't take your virginity which I already knew and was not trying to imply. I use cups now with lube and it is much better than tampons for me.
Edit:
TIL I may have had endometriosis this whole time. I was wondering how I was using tampons wrong when I have heavy flows that need tampon+pad to manage.
https://www.tinahealthcare.com/blogs/learn/tampons-cause-pain-or-discomfort
Yo, this is a real actual human person right here.
Men would be asking me the most heinous of shit and I literally had nothing to do with them. Like, what? I think things are better now, cause I'm older. But hot damn, the shit I was being asked if I reversed it I'd be like asking if when they are fucking a girl do they make sure to jizz on their face or some shit. Like wtf who the fuck asks this just sitting around talking to someone they just met or are (platonically, in a group) having some chow with!?
Some people talk about sex freely. In college everyone in my friend group knew who all fucked who. My ex girlfriend made a drawing connecting everyone with lines. It was pretty damn funny.
Oh for sure, I am stanky pirate but like - there's like talking about sex freely and being a homophobic dickweed. And growing up I got so many micro-aggresive bullshit homophobic shit-shit questions. But I am pretty different than some folks (personally) in which I don't fuck friends. Cause a lot of them are found family for me and they act as sisters, brothers, and the likes. And I ain't about that life. But I am friends with some of my exes. But it's not on that level. Like, I wish them well and am happy they're doing okay in their lives. Having a solid talk every now and then is cool. But I always figured exes are exes for a reason, and I'm not terribly close with any of them. Although, like I said I mean really - all the best to them as a whole.
My gal fucks her friends. She's like totally different than me. So I know different strokes for different folks. And it's not to say I didn't "get it in" or wasn't a raunchy pirate hooker. I just draw the boundary within my own existence and honestly I am pretty happy overall with the folks I have gotten the sweetness to carry with me thus far in life. And I hope that someday if/when I am old I still have at least some of them around.
I can't even remember what the person said up there. And the post so and such isn't showing it. But I think what I was seeing if I remember correctly was someone stating that it's not all about penetration (although it can be, and have at if that's your jam), it's not all about fucking (although yet again - if that's your priority - have at), but that there are some real sexual issues that hit folks with the female sex that could supersede the issue.
I also think you know probably a majority of people who responded were more than likely guys, and I saw this person - as someone who had to at least be female-sexed. I mean I don't know their life. But it sounds like that's whatsup. But it is an assumption, so like - at the end of the day I think I put person.
And I don't know your life, although I'm gunna assume you like The Pixies (=P) but lots of dudes over my lifetime and been putting their dick-brains (as in talking with their dicks) and harassing the fuck out of me whether I knew them or not all over the joint. The other stuff is straight homophobic, but I will say in general that most people who are female presenting in some way are gunna be harassed and that's what I am talking about.
My two sibbies stole butt-plugs from me at one point in my life. Do not like that. Found out much later. Had they come to me, I would have grabbed them anything they want. I was, and still am hella sex-positive. Only difference is that I am now in a long-term dedicated monogamous relationships and I have health issues that have overall affected my life in general so it's not like sex is my tippy-top "chase the cat" prerogative. More so I just want to stay as physically healthy as I can, so that I can have the best quality of life I can. So like, still get down. Do my thing. Have a great gay life. But I am older (not like so damn old, but def people aren't out here just crossing my boundaries like they are getting paid to) so I think that the guys are more chill, I live in a completely different area that anything else I've ever lived in before (which is less openly social as a whole so I don't think most guys are out here just cat-calling people anyways), and I feel pretty ambivalent on the whole sex scene outside of my bedroom because I don't have any skin in the game.
If any of that makes sense. Idk. But either way, it's all about whatever floats your boat. You know? But it's pretty funny though as a whole you saying what you're saying because I might be the least censored individual I have ever been around. Cause I am a real fuck-face. But it is what it is.
p.s. - I don't give a fuck what guys be doing, let alone heterosexuals as a whole with their sexual stuff. I'm happy if you're happy. But I literally never could give an actual fuck. Which might sound hetero-phobic - but by that I mean do you. Do I care? Nah. And I would love, love, love if people came at me with that energy instead of asking me stupid ass shit. That basically invalidated my sexual experiences.