No Stupid Questions
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FWIW, colonoscopies are no big deal. Sucks drinking the potion and blowing your guts out, all while starving for a day, but the procedure is kinda fun.
They lay you down, pump some pasty white in your IV. And you wake up stoned as balls and ready for mass food intake! (Yes, someone has to drive you home, I really mean you'll be stoned.)
And for anyone who's read this far alone: Do NOT shave your asshole. I was trying to make a presentable ass, like medical pros give a fuck, and shaved my hole and cheeks quite nicely.
And then the shitting potion hit. My. Gods. I was naked in bed, holding my burning cheeks apart, shaking all over. Picture working your crack over, all the way to the taint, with 220-grit sandpaper. Nothing too crazy, just enough to skin that top layer down to the pink.
Wife: What can I do?!
"Get Michelle! Fucking go get MICHELLE NOW!!!"
Wife: But you're naked and sweating..."
"NURSE NOW!"
Michelle was the nurse next door. She got me some Boudreaux's Butt Paste. Works for diaper rash, worked for me.