From Nelson, BC.
ratofkryll
joined 2 years ago
Dad was born in the '50s into a family I can only describe as Victorian. Very rigid gender roles, happy and angry the only acceptable male emotions, and all the "fun" stuff that comes along with that kind of upbringing. I'm in my mid-30s now. He worked a job that sent him out of town for weeks or sometimes months at a time, but where he would often have several weeks off at a time as well so he was either never around or home all the time. Mom was a stay at home mom, but that's about the extent of the gender roles enforced while I was growing up.
Dad and I had a fairly close relationship until I got to about 14/15 but I did learn very early that he was not the person to go to for anything emotional. He never knew how to handle emotions and - like many people of his generation - he didn't think about the long-term effects that his offhand comments and teasing might have. As an adult, I understand that it was his way of showing affection but it's taken me a very long time to work through the body issues I picked up because of his (and Mom's) teasing about "the family nose/thighs/shoulders/etc."
We drifted apart when I got to high school. The teenage girl hormones hit really hard. He didn't know what to do with all the feelings I was having so he either ignored them or got angry with me if they inconvenienced him. I never felt like I could talk to either of my parents about what I was going through so I withdrew into myself. Honestly, I was a pretty shitty teenager and my parents were both pretty shitty parents of teenagers (though in my defense my sister was way worse from a much younger age and never really got much better - we still don't get along.) As I got into my twenties and calmed down, Dad continued to treat me like that hyper emotional teenager. I resented that a lot and kept him at arm's length.
Dad's and my relationship is good now but it took a long time to get here. It took me accepting that he is never going to change and meeting him on his level, while asserting my own boundaries. I've spent a lot of time unpacking the hangups and baggage I carried with me into adulthood, which has given me the ability to get past "Dad is an asshole". Dad was raised in an environment with a lot of gendered pressure, came out of it with severe anxiety - which you can see runs in the family if you know what to look for - and his only coping mechanism is control. When he feels out of control, he explodes. However, being a "man of a certain age" (a.k.a. Boomer) there's no way he'll ever develop the emotional intelligence to understand and acknowledge that. He has no incentive to and has never learned the language. I learned that if I want a relationship with him, I have to be willing to work around that so I do the work on myself and focus on what he and I have in common - which is a lot! It's been a slow process, but I've also seen him finally start to acknowledge and respect me as an independent adult over the last few years and that feels pretty good.
On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, my partner has a fantastic relationship with his 7-year-old daughter (my stepdaughter). He's very emotionally intelligent and self-aware and has no problem talking with his kid about feelings - hers or his own. He also rejects the idea of traditional gender roles and doesn't feel at all weird about playing dress up with her, getting his nails painted, or any of the other "girly" things she likes to do with him. Neither of us had good parental relationships modeled for us growing up (mine were distant and affectionless with each other, his were volatile) so we do our best to show his kid what a loving, respectful adult relationship looks like. I've often thought that I wish my dad had been a parent to me like my partner is to his daughter.
I think the most important thing about any parent-child relationship is that the child feels supported, respected, and confident to come to their parent about how they're feeling. That's going to look different in any relationship, but staying empathetic and not assuming you know better than your kid about what's going on in their mind is always a good place to start. It also helps to be self-aware. Recognize where you might have hangups or emotional baggage and be proactive about addressing it. I have done more self-work in the last two years of being a stepparent than in the previous ten. That's not to say I didn't also do a lot in those ten years, but my partner and I both strongly believe that it's our job as parents to do better than our own parents did, even if our parents had been stellar. But no pressure, right? XD
It's well after midnight and I'm rambling now so I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.
Was there an N on the back?
She looks so uncomfortable in both of those.
It's $26.99 USD on Steam.
Exactly what it sounds like. A crosswalk painted in rainbow colours.
OP said elsewhere that they're in Canada, so $500 Canadian dollars.
TV, YouTube, podcasts, music, watching my partner game. I originally picked knitting up as something to do other than scroll on my phone while doing those things.
I cancelled my Netflix account. I keep Disney Plus around for my stepkid, and Prime Video because it comes with Prime, although I'll probably cancel that soon too. I'm keeping Funimation.
Streaming is becoming worse than cable. At least if I got cable (which I won't) I could PVR shit and skip the ads. The idea of paying a monthly fee to get advertised at anyway is nauseating.
Is it subscription now? I paid like $3 for it once ten years ago.
I picked up knitting in 2019 as something to do with my hands other than doomscroll all evening after work. I've always been good with my hands and technical-creative tasks so I picked it up really quickly.
I'd say my skill level is intermediate to advanced. I prefer very technical lace or cable projects that push my abilities. It's a lot of fun watching a ball of string turn into a useful piece of fabric and I like to modify patterns, like adding beads to lace or switching up cable panels.
There have been a few points where I've decided to take extended breaks because I could feel myself starting to burn out. Usually because of life stress. I still stick around in my knitting Discord server and come back to it when someone posts a pattern that I really want to make.
Knitting is not hard to get into, but it can get expensive fast. My first major finished project was $30 worth of acrylic yarn on $9 aluminum needles from Michael's. A couple of years ago, I spent $350 on a set of high end stainless steel interchangeable circular needles and have used mostly hand dyed merino wool, cashmere, or silk blends for my last several projects, ranging from $75-$150 per project.
The other thing to keep in mind is time. I have about 150 hours in the shawl I'm currently working on, with about 4 hours of work left. When I'm done, I'll be picking a project back up that will probably take 300 hours altogether. A sweater might take 20-80 hours depending on the size and yarn. This is not a hobby where you see instant results. It's absolutely worth it to me though.
Whatever I want. Usually PJs. The three times a year I go into the office, it'll be a tank top, jeans, and combat boots or high tops, generally all black or dark grey. I'll also wear a plaid flannel over the tank top if it's chilly in the office. I save my dressing up for the office Christmas party and shock the hell out of everyone.