That is definitely true. I’ll probably shut this down and create a more general badrelationships community where you can rant and seek support for stuff like this.
I’m on a work visa, and if I get divorced now, she will have to go back along with my daughter. I should either go back, get a new job there, and try to rebuild from scratch what I’ve built over 10 years, or stay here and get to meet my daughter once a year.
So you’re saying you don’t need an air freshener in the car?
She had a lot of serious allergies when she was a child (with medications). They didn't even give her any painkillers for her c-section because they didn't know what painkiller they could give her without triggering any allergies. May be that is one reason why she is so paranoid about stuff like this. She doesn't actually think we'll suffocate, but she thinks it is unhealthy to breathe recycled air 24x7. There may be truth to it, but like you said, all it takes is opening door/window for a short period of time to get fresh air. She however does the opposite. Keeps windows and doors open for the whole day except for nights and a small amount of time when she turns on the ac. I'll look into this attic/soffit air, because that sounds like something that might help things. Too bad the hvac guys didn't say anything about it.
lol kind of, but it's more to vent out my frustrations and serve to remind me of these things in case I start getting Stockholm syndrome. Didn't expect this community to even get noticed, now I feel very visible and judged. May be that's a good thing, where people can comment on whether anything I post is normal and I'm the one overreacting or something.
Can I post things I hate about your wife too?
Funny when you put it that way my first instinct is to defend her. I don't think she is a bad person, after all she was the woman I fell in love with, but she certainly makes it difficult to root for her. I can say good things about her, but I always end up adding a 'but'.
It was supposed to be a place for me to rant about my wife and I didn't even expect this community to be found by anybody else. What the heck, may be it turns into a support group. Break a leg!
Like I said in another comment, I didn't expect this level of attention/interaction in this community. Guess I'm still in reddit mindset where this community would have stayed alone for years with nobody noticing.
yeah I didn't expect this community to get visible. I could have created this sub in reddit and nobody would have noticed even after a year. Just made this community to sort of rant and keep myself from forgetting these things. Divorce is unfortunately not an option due to different reasons.
Thank you for the perspective. Truly appreciate it. I actually didn't expect this community to even get any views or comments. Just made this to vent out and sort of keep a record of things, to remind myself if I forget. I'm astonished you picked up on the username and gave me advice.
My wife is not the willing to change anything type, and she doesn't even agree with naming things (ocd, adhd, etc.) Doesn't believe in them. Thinks doctors just label normal behavior to make money. I have an undiagnosed adhd (I think, another thing she makes fun of me for) that makes things harder to handle. I can get extremely depressed one minute thinking about all this, and then might distract myself with something else and feel normal again the next minute. Along with my daughter, my life is even more complicated by me being here on a visa. If I decide to 'free myself', I would have to do it back at my country, and my daughter can't stay here anymore on my visa (she'll probably get custody because of how young my daughter is), so I'll either have to pack everything up and rebuild my life from scratch in my country, or resign to seeing my daughter only once a year.
I have found that stoicism helped me a lot. I used to feel suicidal after a big fight, but these days I kind of take it as a fact of life that I can't change.
I'll read the two books you linked. Hope they give me some ways to turn my life around instead of just being able to cope with it without killing myself.
I get you want to kill us all.
Just to be clear, it’s not me saying that. It’s my wife
I’m on a work visa, and if I get divorced now, she will have to go back along with my daughter. I should either go back, get a new job there, and try to rebuild from scratch what I’ve built over 10 years, or stay here and get to meet my daughter once a year.