Sorry for your loss. I've had a few close family die recently. Don't think you have to understand it right now. You don't need to seek out your grief, it'll come up and bite your ass sometime. You're not a bad person because you're not in tears right now. It doesn't make it better if you cry for the next six weeks. Carry the persons memory with you and take it out and look it over sometimes. It might make you cry, it might make you laugh, I think the important thing is it makes you remember.
Good luck!
What the actual hell. So much for the general strike. Guess there's a Fain piss tape somewhere?