When you notice yourself not wanting to do something you know you should do, do it anyways. For me, it started with taking the stairs instead of the elevator at work. Snowball it from there. That's really the only way, there aren't shortcuts.
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In my head i call it the "Rule of least want to do". If i have 2-3 tasks that need doing (ususlly work related), i think of which thing i least want to do. That's the thing i get done, then move down the line.
Yeah that's basically the concept/book Eat that Frog. Basically if you Eat a Frog or do you least liked task first thing in the morning it makes everything else easier and not so bad.
Ah brilliant, this is precisely what I was looking for!
Ahh I can imagine this helping. Can you remember any other examples?I think I've done stuff like this before with forcing myself to eat broccoli which I didn't like but knew was good fkr me...
Sure! I used to hate doing the dishes and would let them pile up until I had no clean ones left, so then if I looked at the sink and saw that there were dishes I didn't want to do, I'd do them anyways. When I wanted to stop, I'd just keep going until they were done. Even if my back started hurting and my hands were soggy, even when I was so bored I wanted to tear my eyes out, I'd just keep going until they were done.
Making your bed is something you can do every day to build willpower. You don't HAVE to do it, and usually probably don't want to, but it only takes like 5 minutes and makes your living space look nice, which makes it a good exercise.
Idk how old you are, but I'm old enough to no longer live with my parents. They're like almost an hour away. When they call to invite me over, my knee-jerk reaction is to stay home, but I know they're not gonna be around forever and I should see them every now and again, so I'll force myself to go visit.
Going to the gym, or going on runs also helps. Working out is hard, and staying consistent is even harder. Lifting weights/getting exercise is just as much a mental battle as it is a physical one. 4-5 days per week, 5 exercises per session, 3 sets of 10 reps. It'll take about an hour to complete. There are more efficient ways to work out, but that would be a good starting point. Alternatively, run/jog for 30 min, or go on an hour long walk 5 days per week.
90% of willpower is preparation. Arrange your life to make the things you should do easier and the things you should avoid less convenient.
Example: To avoid sleeping in, or worse, dicking around on my phone instead of sleeping or getting up, I put my phone to charge on the other side of the bedroom.
Another: I put a speaker in my kitchen to listen to music when I wash dishes. A lot easier to wash just those last few pots, even if I feel like I'm ready for a break, if I want to finish the song.
Yeah I have been trying to do this and it has helped with my productivity. The problem is, it might make it easier for you to do but that is precisely because you are minimising the amount of willpower you have to use to get those things done. Which I think os what's keeping me weak
Two comments.
- I would try and avoid negative self talk (weak) as it can really just reenforce guilt/shame. The classic example I learned in therapy was should statements. When you think/say I should have... It can bring alot of negativity but it's usually easy to change it to a could or would statement. I would have or could have xyz. Would/could can be a slippery slope to excuse/procrastinate things but it's okay to legitimately give your self a break when the circumstances warrant it. Brains need downtime, you don't have to be filling 100% of your day
- doing prep work isn't cheapening your willpower as long as your consistent and apply it to everything and not just the easy things. Another trick I learned is to try and break a task down into the smallest step you can do to make progress. Step one could literally be get a pad of paper, or change into work out clothes. It makes taking the next step easier and also is kinda like "Well I already have the pen and paper I might as well get writing" or "I'm changed so I might as well do something" even if it's just a walk or jog. But again the key is consistentcy.
Oh thats a good point, turning a 'should have' into a 'could have' actually sounds really empowering because it must remove some of the guilt. And the taking the smallest step strategy sounds really helpful too – it reminds me of the concept of 'non-zero days' I read about a while back that I really have found effective
ADHD Brains are different - so some advice that works for non-ADHD brains may or may not work.
In general, being present and meditation (in whatever way that works for you, but, generally the practice of observing your thoughts as they go by but not reacting to them) are helpful for 'strengthening' your thought patterns. Becoming aware of things and building up that muscle is how you can have more of that willpower.
Habits can be very difficult to build, don't get discouraged. Find things that work for you and ways to incentivize or motivate yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD/ Here's a great youtube channel
Oh yes I've come across her channel before. This is unrelated but have you found any good ways to deal with the 'wall of awful' that she describes in one of her videos?
For me, it’s 100% about positive self talk and mini goals. Instead of trying to motivate myself to run 5 miles, it’s one 100ft section at a time. Fix a goal I can see, then run there and give myself a mental high five for getting there. Then do it again one more time. And then one more time and on and on til I get to the end.
This is covered in a lot or depression literature, where you need to literally rewire your brain to defeat the attempt to reach homeostasis, which has become a depressed state. Little positive actions and thoughts that eventually rewire the neural pathways and create new ones little by little. If you want to learn more about that, the technical side made very understandable by a psychologist and neuroscientist who specializes in depression and anxiety, you should check out "The Upward Spiral". It's really good and i highly recommend it. It has helped me start the healing and coping process.
The Science of Self Control is an excellent book about willpower and, well, self control. It goes into the science of it and how to use that to your advantage.
One thing I do is to reduce friction. You are more likely to do something if you make whatever it is easier to do. Conversely, if you want to stop doing something, increase friction (make it harder to do). Two examples:
You want to go to the gym in the mornings? Go to bed a bit earlier, get everything ready the night before, and maybe even sleep in your gym clothes.
Your want to stop eating cookies? Put them somewhere you're less likely to walk past them or see them.
In your case, maybe try removing things that are distractions, e.g. put your phone on the other side of the room.
Sleeping in my gym clothes sounds like a radicaly effective move. Especially as it physocally connects evening me to tomorrow me, which I otherwise struggle to mentaly do..
When I was super down in different times of my life, I would sleep in my work clothes that way I would wake up and be on time for work. So yeah.. this can be pretty effective.
Get tested for ADHD. If you have it, start working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD and can prescribe medication if necessary.
Or the cheaper option drink a coffee. Did it make it easier to focus? Yes? Then ADHD, so drink lots of coffee. Lol, but seriously just get tested.
When I was in grade 2 I had an old substitute teacher tell us a story about how he trained his willpower by setting an alarm every night at 3 am and when it went off he’d do 10 jumping jacks.
I tried it that night, got out of bed and did 2 jumping jacks before realizing this was the dumbest thing ever. If I had the willpower to get out of bed in the middle of the night to exercise I already had the willpower in the first place.
But weirdly enough ever since that night I’ve been able to get out of bed on the first alarm
If you have ADHD, forget combating it with willpower. You need to reduce distractions.
But most of all, get diagnosed properly and then a psychotherapist can help you further, as might the appropriate meds.
In most cases it is not a lack of willpower but rather an exhaustion of the same. Try to arrange your daily routine around things you WANT to do and limit the things that burn attention and mental energy (doom-scrolling social media, ….).
It’s all about managing your (dopamine) resources economically.
This is exactly what you said. Workout and cold showers.
Even if a cold shower is once a day, it is enough. Willpower is like a muscle, you don't have to exert it constantly, but regularly.
As for working out, you don't have to like it, to make it. This is the hard pill to swallow, but struggling is part of it, at least in the beginning.
What I find helpful personally, is to watch a coaching video. You follow the moves of the vlogger at the same pace, and only pause when you can absolutely not take it anymore. I end up cursing at the video and hating my life on the spot.
I recon that it helped me have more control on myself (like pain tolerance). But as for the ADHD you describe, I am not sure I saw any improvement personally.
Oh I see, do you still have athe link to the video you used? Also, do you know of any good resources about improving pain tolerance? I think that's essenstially what I'm lacking atm.
This is kinda random advice and I dunno if it will help, but if you want to increase your pain tolerance try doing a polar bear swim. Just make sure you have someone with you, you have somewhere warm to retreat to a towels and fresh dry clothes and that you do it in a temperature tjat isn't too overwhelmingly cold. Like 40 or 50 degrees probably is the limit for it if you have never done it before because if it is too cold you can go into shock and get hypothermia, but yeah. If you want to start slower just dunk your hand into a bucket of ice water. Over time you will get used to it and will be able to do it for longer periods.
I would say first and foremost be kind to yourself, @[email protected]. Strengthening your willpower begins with good self-care techniques. Set regular, realistic, and achievable goals and when you achieve them, do something positive for yourself. Too often we are our own worst enemies and by beating yourself up you actually make it harder to achieve what you really want. This is something I struggle with even though I do not have ADHD. Will-power comes not from negative reinforcement but from the positive kind. 😀
Thanks for this reminder, you're right it's really easy to start blaming yourself for failing at things that it's not your fault you're failing at
Dr K at Healthy Gamer has a tonne of really great advice for dealing with this and especially for ADHD sufferers. He talks about urge-surfing and how to develop and strengthen the parts of your brain that end up giving you back control in terms of decision making, willpower and responding to habits. Here’s a short on urge-surfing but have a dig thru the rest of the channel https://youtube.com/shorts/SUgJdsTCs0E?feature=share
Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/shorts/SUgJdsTCs0E?feature=share
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Not exactly what you’re asking but possibly helpful-
I’ve found that ‘pairing’ the item of resistance to another established habit has been helpful. A decent example is putting my gym stuff on the bathroom counter. I have the habit of brushing my teeth in the morning and now I have my exercise clothes where I’m guaranteed to see them. It’s harder to make excuses and at this point you just gotta commit.
This might be more what you’re asking about-
I got the pairing idea from a great series on procrastination, Solving the Procrastination Puzzle by Tim Pychyl. The speaker takes the approach that resistance is not a matter of will power but a matter of emotional regulation. I recommend checking it out!
I listened to it on Waking Up but you might be able to find it elsewhere. Here’s a link to where I listened, free 30 days no credit card needed. (There is no incentive for me, just sharing what helped me) https://dynamic.wakingup.com/pack/PK0AA14?source=content%20share&share_id=0FEBBC65&code=SC112CD68
I always get myself to do things I don't want to by thinking "Future-me is going to be much happier when he finds that present-me did this already."
Helps me find the motivation to exercise, make myself a good cup of coffee instead of a kcup, do the dishes after dinner, lots of things. And past me is such a bro, saved me from present-me having to do those things.
I've tried this before but it hasn't worked for me so far unfortunately :-/ I thunk it's because my brain sees tomorrow-me to be a different and detached person...
I have found it useful, even healthy in stressfulness work situations, to allow myself the distraction - but only for a little while. This works fairly well for me.
Do one other thing. Play only one round of Minesweeper (yes, that's me). Read only one thing on Lemmy. Pick one of those. Then get back to work. For a while, anyway.
If I am trying to get things done (write emails) do important research, ya know that kind of thing, I sprinkle in the things I want to do like procrastinate on lemmy, look up random shit, eat a snack, and then get back to the work at hand
“Just do it” is such easy advice to give but I feel your pain OP. There are things I want to accomplish that I CANNOT get myself up to do. I can’t execute plans or schedules for things that don’t immediately threaten my livelihood. It’s a real PITA. Executive dysfunction is a term I’ve read about recently that describes this.
I’m convinced the way we think about things is the driving force. For example, I’ve always struggled to work out regularly. What’s really been helping me the last month is the mantra “I’ll never regret working out but I absolutely will regret not working out”. So try to critically evaluate your thought processes behind the things you want to accomplish and see if there is another way of thinking about it that makes doing it easier.
I really like your mantra – yeah it really helps me when thoughts like this reframe the way I look at things. I often struggle with being paralized by guilt, for example the guilt of having put an email off for too long, or tge fear that starting ti revise for my exams now would make me feel guilty that I didn't start preparing earlier. I wish I had a similar mantra for that
Yes! The guilt eats you alive and completely paralyzes you! I never could figure out what made me tick to help improve my study habits. But I just graduated so I managed and now I’m done forever! You will always wish you started sooner, no matter how early you start.
For little things like emails, consider how they take barely 5 mins to do. We have 1,440 minutes in a day and we can’t even take 5 to send the freaking email?! I use that mindset for chores too. I gripe and moan about the kitty litter box but it takes 60 seconds to just scoop the damn thing.
Ahh putting it into perspective does sound like it would help me. Unfortunately for me writing an email usually takes closer to 20 minutes because I'm really slow at phrasing what I have to say and I sit around stuck on trying to phrase my email in a way that doesn't sound too commanding/impolite/etc . Have you ever had this? It might be an ADHD thing idk.
Well, the research says that therapy is great, but only after you're on meds. You don't lack willpower, it's a physiological problem that needs to be addressed by medical care.
A good morning routine is perfect for building momentum. I wake up at 6 AM and walk to my bathroom where I keep a bottle of water, as I am always thirsty in the morning. I brush my teeth, meditate, and engage in some light cardio, (literally something like 50 jumping jacks. It's nothing too serious) Afterward, I take a warm shower, gradually lowering the temperature until it's cold. Finally, I eat breakfast.
That's a morning routine that works for me and is (mostly) copied from a Youtube video I watched on how to stay motivated. This is what works for me so I think it may be a good watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOEfDcGbbXo&t=362
Bro, not everybody is a morning person. I appreciate you sharing what works for you, but for one if OP does in fact have ADHD, that comes with insomnia sometimes so it is unlikely they'll be getting up early, and if they do, they won't want to do jumping jacks or take a morning shower regardless of the temp. Also, breakfast is hit or miss too because people with ADHD also have symptoms of depression and anxiety so they're stomachs won't be prepared for that probably.