this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 9 months ago (3 children)

Nothing. I've read enough Monkey's Paw stories to know this is a bad idea.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

We've also got a growing community for these: [email protected]

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

You end up with a genie begging you to make a wish every waking moment of your life, ala "three thousand years of longing"

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

I'd get a team of the best lawyers I could find to sit down with the genie and me to hash out a lengthy contract devoiding any intentional curse and put in a hefty monetary incentive for the lawyers to get it right, as well as punishment clauses for breaking it, then wish that the genie had to unwaveringly abide by that contract. That way, if he makes me suffer he has to suffer too or redo my request to my satisfaction.

Then I'd probably write in a steady, better than average and reasonably liveable income without having to work for it for the rest of my natural life.

Pretty sure I saw this concept in an early episode of fairly odd parents.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Genies are not considered humans and thus cannot enter into a legal agreement. Courts find your contract null and void and the Genie still gets always with screwing up your wish.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 9 months ago (4 children)

If my wish is for the genie to abide by the contract, then the thing holding him accountable is his own magic, not a human or court. The lawyers aren't there to follow the law, they're there to see that the contract is logistically sound.

If a genie cannot be beholden to his own magic, then there's really no point in expecting any kind of wish to be free of a curse anyway because he's just going to do whatever he wants regardless of what you wish for.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I don’t know why people wish for money rather than immortality. Compounding interests baby!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

There are far too many ways for an immortality wish to make your life hell in ways that a money wish uh, wishes it could.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

That’s the secret; if all wishes can be cursed, all wishes can be cursed with an immortal hell.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago

Enjoy living to see the heat death of the universe in 10^100 years or so.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Immortality has its own set of complications. Like seeing everyone you love die. Out living the earth, solar system. Being stuck for eternity in the heat death of the universe. I mean, I guess a longer life but not immortal might be desirable. Personally, my only wish would be to live comfortably.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

β€œIn the way that I hope for, and in the way that I expect” should cover it, I think

[–] [email protected] 32 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I would wish for a better genie.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 9 months ago (1 children)

A genie emerges that's even better at cursing your whish

[–] [email protected] 23 points 9 months ago (1 children)

A genie emerges from the lamp, and promises to try to curse you less

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Darn, I thought I nailed that one.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I wish the genie is so bad at curses that everyone always enjoys being cursed by them.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Granted. You’re now a masochist.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 9 months ago

Sure, that works. Curse me harder, daddy. Because of you, I like it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Granted. But you didn't wish anything for yourself so nothing happens to you or for you. The next person to meet the genie enjoys the outcome of their wish.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 9 months ago

Hm, sound like abuse of power to me. I'd wish for the genie to lose the ability to grant wishes. It needs to be cursed though, so I'd have to help with that.

Since it can still offer wishes, just not grant them... I'd help it learn to code. It could have a bright future as the CTO of a tech startup in the next hype cycle. I would not invest.

I wonder how many times this has already happened.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Whatever bad thing happens to me, the same will happen to the genie twice.

I just hope he's not a masochist.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (5 children)

Considering the high probability the djinn has spent centuries locked inside a small vessel, completely alone, the chances roll towards harboring sadistic wishes of revenge.

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[–] MeDuViNoX 13 points 9 months ago (3 children)

I wish for the genie to have never existed in the first place.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

Thanks for the paradox bub.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 months ago (4 children)
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Police to always be lawful good

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago

Teen suicide rate multiplies after the police destroy youth culture with constant surveillance.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I see at least three catches here, and all of them taken from the basic guide

  • Good doesn't mean "humane".

  • Lawful doesn't mean "thoughtful".

A demon that follows an moral code of conduct that is immoral by our standards is still canonically lawlful good by theirs. The nature of a fervorous Paladin is a matter of perspective.

  • Lawful nor Good mean "non-violent".

I don't need to explain this part. A Paladin is... Sometimes less a matter of perspective.

As an example, in the Movie Rabbit Proof Fence, the villain is a British Guy who falls, by his perspective, Lawfully Good. For reference, the movie starts with him doing a presentation on Eugenics and how he can save the "aboriginal people" through race mixing. Him mandating the two girls kidnapped from their village was entirely lawful. He really thinks he's doing good and he does not at any point play dirty with those close to him to get what he wants. His biggest issue was being born in the wrong place, at the wrong time with the wrong people, with the wrong amount of scrupulosity.

I don't know how, but you probably did more damage here than even some other more aggressive responses. I think you just indirectly turned every government inherently authoritarian, albeit with society still functional. Because the lawmakers everywhere will catch on to how the cops function, and any semblance of progressive thought would soon stop developing.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

"I wish for whatever I would get if an alternate version of me who were much smarter, kinder, more compassionate, more loving, less selfish, much less short sighted, much more creative and much more prepared to word the perfect wish, WHILE STILL BEING ME with my values, goals, principles and desires were making a wish from an alternate version of YOU who tries to bless wishes, instead of cursing them."

(also, I know how to fuck this one up)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Granted. You get nothing. The alternate version of you was kind enough to wish for someone else's health and happiness, and wanted nothing for themself. Also, your curse is to know with certainty that not only are you not this superior version of yourself, but you've proven by your inherently selfish wish that you will never be that person.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I wouldn't wish. Shit always goes bad. Best cass scenario I learn a "valuable lesson" through some kinda hackneyed adventure. In the worst case scenario I'm cursed for eternity or some shit

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I wish for a new genie that grants wishes successfully but never tries or succeeds in cursing my wishes.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 9 months ago

Granted. You didn't specify where, so it exists somewhere within the universe.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Good luck. Even twisted, Good fortune is always a boon worth having.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago

You get a different genie who doesn't grant any wishes.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I wish you were made out of cotton candy.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (4 children)

I wish for all of the intentions I have which will positively affect me and others will come to fruition without effort.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

None of your intentions that benefit you alone (playing a video game, satisfying a food craving) come to fruition anymore. Your other intentions that benefit at least one other person cause maximum harm to others as well. You basically just wished yourself an unending variation of "the monkey's paw"

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