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does uni drain you as well (if you go) (lemmy.world)

submitted 23 hours ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

6 comments fedilink hide all child comments

lately i've noticed i don't have the energy to go to uni, bc everytime i do i have to go through 30 minutes of traffic made up of literal idiots who are just unable to not make the road more dangerous (not putting on turning lights when switching lanes, not looking at their rear view mirrors, ecc...) and i can't really avoid it since my uni is in the dead center of the city. Then when I get there i just can't follow the lectures bc i get distracted constantly and then traffic again but even worse bc i leave at rush hour (my classes are from 4PM to 6PM). I'm really tired of having to go there bc my classes are very late in the day and they are all at the same time, and when I get home I'm just totally beat. The worst part is, i still live with my parents and they expect me to go every single time and if i don't it's gonna be a screamfest about how worthless i am and sometimes even threatening to stop funding my studies. These are the same people that basically accosted my autism and adhd to "being just lazy/just having fun breaking their balls" even when I'm going through a meltdown. I don't have the means to move out, I'm scared of how I'd handle a job (since I'm not diagnosed by the state i don't have access to accomodations) and can't even sustain myself with a part time job in this country, bc if i had to do 40 hours a week with uni I'd simply go nuts. Over the last few months I've been feeling trapped without any motivation to keep going to uni and i have no one to turn to, no one that'll make my parents understand that I'm having a hard time and that I need space. Sometimes i ask myself why does it have to be so hard.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 15 hours ago

I was definitely drained by school. I originally went for a bachelor's but gave up halfway through and went for an associates instead, i don't think my degree will be all that useful and I wonder if I would be better off had I forgone college

[–] [email protected] 3 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Why are you going to university? What do you want to do with your degree?

It sounds like you were pressured to go to college because that's what "successful" people do. If you have no end goal college is going to just be lots of pain and suffering followed by no path for the future.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 hours ago

its very simple, I want to leave Italy and I need a degree to do that, if i dont want to be exploited. Besides, i like my major (japanese) but the uni in it of itself is run awfully. Yeah I was sorta pressured but ultimately i chose something i like

[–] [email protected] 5 points 21 hours ago

I get you. Been a little while since I went, but it was hell. Idk how much longer you've got left but I can absolutely promise you with certainty that in your scenario, it will 100% get better with time. One day you'll be graduated and look back not understanding how you even got through it, but you'll be so glad it's over.

I worked four 10s through the week in uni, and did full time classes all day on every single day I had off. Man that sucked. Stemmed from the same issue you're facing, and to me it was worth it to move out and struggle that way than it was to face the constant back and forth between my family and I. All I can really say, is keep it pushing and finish strong. Because it does get better, even if it feels like it never will!

[–] jjagaimo 3 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

At some point I started skipping classes and just read the textbook + lecture slides to study and did about as well (defonitely worse than if id have gone but better than if I hadnt studied) - prob not the most achievable but you might be able to negotiate something witb professors in terms of getting lecture slides or chapters of the textbook and hang out in a library or cafe to reduce the amount of travel

[–] [email protected] 1 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

In conjunction with the other comments, maybe there's a disability advocate at your university that you can ask on how to make it easier for you. Now, it's gonna be harder than if you already had a diagnosis, but nevertheless I think this is the most pragmatic thing to make everything a bit easier.

Maybe ask them if someone can record and you watch it back, or maybe just looking at the slides, or there might be something else they would come up with.

In the mid term maybe getting a therapist will help just to find your way around with your parents and everyone else. If that's not possible, having a friend to just dump day to day things onto might be nice and it's always good to get a second opinion and someone who can bounce ideas off of you. It's the small things that might make a difference.

Maybe carving out little blocks of time to get some you-time might also help. Even if it's mundane things like sitting on a bench in the park or dedicating time watching YouTube videos. As long as you make sure that little time you plan out is reserved.

In the long term you should obviously try to push through, so you can afford to move out. This will massively improve your life, as it will relieve you of what sounds like a relationship thats just pushing unnecessary pressure onto you. Regardless of whether they mean well, your parents are being toxic and childish. University is a very hard time for most people and I saw people get burnout left and right. Hell, I got there myself I'm pretty sure. Your parents should make sure you push through, but more importantly they should help you to deal with it and make sure you are taken care of while you work your ass off. Whatever is going on is something that's on them and you just have to make sure you get out as soon as possible.

And of course don't be too hard on yourself, especially when your parents are probably tearing you down anyway. If you fail and it takes more time, then that's just how it is. Your parents probably just hate seeing mistakes that they've made before come back around for you. Life will be imperfect as long as we're human.

That said, you've made it to where you are all by yourself and you should be proud. One step at a time, chew on it piece by piece and make sure you get to see your progress every time, so you can see how you're getting closer. All the things I told you are ideas I have that might help you but most importantly take care of yourself and keep going. You'll get out of this limbo.

If you ever need to talk feel free to dm me and until then I'll be over here cheering you on :)

TL;DR

Yes. It was so bad I started investing most of my time into hobbies. But I'm writing my bachelor's thesis this semester and life will go on. I found my way out of that hole. I'm sure you will do too.