madamarie

CONTEXT: in r/autism there is a rule that prohibits autismspeaks propaganda to be shared. That's because autismspeaks is a literal eugenics organization that only cares to eradicate autistic people and find a "cure" to autism (which is an anti-scientific take as you can't cure autism and it's been known for a long time to be just a different kind of brain structure)

ok now that we got that out of the way here's the story:

I had a little identity crisis about my diagnosis (lvl 1 autism) and vented about it expressing my anxiety on the topic, and then a user replied inferring that i was self-diagnosed and sent some articles showing the raads-r (the test i took with my specialized psychologist) not being accurate: one of these studies was funded by autismspeaks (which is not allowed by the rules of the same server) so I told the mods about it. These are the logs

So then seeing i was going nowhere I posted my account of the story, and got my post taken down by mods, posted the logs, and they took it down. I don't have logs of my further conversations with the mods, but in one message they said "if we let propaganda on, we're in the wrong, if we suppress discussion we are in the wrong" not even acknowledging the gravity of the situation. Then i made this post calling out the mods for not doing their job, it got taken down, posted a screenshot of it again, took that down and banned me.

they took down my post under the guise of "continuing arguments that has been resolved" which was not at all resolved bc the link to the autismspeaks funded paper was still there and they didn't take action towards the user who posted that. They only did that bc my posts made them look bad, as letting a eugenics organization against autistic people have their propaganda posted on a half a million users subreddit from all over the world is something reprehensible in an autism community which is supposed to be a welcoming space for autistic people. To reddit mods it's always about the powertrip and even in a community that should be welcoming to autistic people they are not willing to take a stance and make people abide by the rules.

Im in yippieee mode rn, in spite of recent events. Or because of them. I really connected with my autism these last few days. Being in autism communities really showed me what it looked like for me. I love connecting with my autism and discover parts of myself that weren't that apparent to me or i didn't know about.

Through the r/autism incident i learned about my strong sense of justice and my commitment to do things that are right to me, like pushing through for something i believe is right. I couldn't sit and watch something as heinous as that which happened there and even though I was fighting alone i was relentless on calling out the indifference of the mods there. I pushed through, lost sleep, got picked apart, got my posts taken down and i was still uploading them even though it was obvious i was gonna lose, i still pushed through bc i was hoping people would pick up on it and realize what happened was unacceptable. The mods didn't scare me, the bans didn't scare me and when i got banned i was angry that there were no results, bc they got away with something that damages autistic people and i find it utterly infuriating, but as i metabolized this event i realized this, and after a long time, i feel proud of myself.

I also wanted to touch upon stimming, which is my favorite part of autism. I love stimming, even now I'm stimming as i write this. It just feels me with joy and happiness and whenever i can, i go stim stim like a steam train. I was thinking about how the word stim reminds me of a steam train, maybe bc of the assonance. Which reminded me when i was on a steam train in Switzerland as a kid i was singing imitating the sound of the train i was going "choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo choo" for the whole trip and i think it's one of my best memories.

Remember the post i made about echolalia? These days i realized that everytime my cats meow i meow back at them imitating their pitch, or i just say a string of things i say over and over again, but i don't do it with people in front of me. The other day i was on my vespa going to uni and i was repeating a specific scene from the sopranos season 6 episode 1, where they're digging in uncle jun's yard looking for some money he believed was there and keeps repeating "forty thousand i had, my share from the (idk what he says here) from the 70s", and even though i was kinda trying out the scene to sound as accurate to the actors as possible but i just kept repeating it over and over again. so yeah, i have external echolalia, i figured it out today

What else? i can't think of anything else. I'm happy! happy! happy, i like the word happy! Right now I'm happy to be autistic, bc it feels so much fun to me, all the little quirks i have, i embrace them. I'm happy to be me after all this time.

Thank you

the mods of r/autism banned me for repeatedly calling them out on their bullshit bc they wouldn't address it. It's incredible, no matter the neurotype, mods are always the same hypocritical powertripped manchildren who never take accountability bc they think they are god for managing a subreddit. I pity them really, and i can proudly say that for all that is worth, that even if i have my problems at least I'm not one of those pathetic slobs.

this is gonna be a long post about a conlang ive constructed, which is a mix of another language ive made. The setting is the ficticuous island of Sabokania, situated between the azores and cabo verde. So here it goes:

INTRODUCTION the Romaniekeia is a language spoken in the Metorina region. Due to european migrations from the mediterranean in the XVI century the region has experienced a linguistic mix between various romance languages and the local dialect of the warabo. The language borrows characteristics from both mother-languages such as grammar, vocabulary and phonetics. In the transcription of the language the latinization method will be the one used for ruchi languages. 1- SENTENCE STRUCTURE Romaniekeia is SVO, like most romance languages. eg. mea chineo romaniekei tasak l'è a meaas keia I speak romaniekeia because it's my language

1. Personal pronouns Mea=I/Me Tea=you Lia=he/she/it (lia is a gender neutral pronoun) for the plural form of these pronouns the language borrows from the system of inclusive and exclusive plural common in ruchi languages. In warabo, those are -BE (includes the listener or any entity as part of the plural) -BA (excludes the listener or any entity as part of the plural) so personal pronouns in plural will be: meabe/meaba teabe/teaba liabe/liaba 2- VERB CONJUGATION Romaniekeia follows verbal conjugation rules from romance languages, thus for every subject of a verb the suffix attached to the core word changes eg. mea è (verb: to be) tea ès lia è meabe/ba somo teabe/ba seit liabe/ba son the romaniekeia has 8 verbal modes: infinitive, indicative, conditional, causative, desiderative, imperative, passive, gerund (in RMNK: anfiní, indikatí, kaadisaoní, pariatí, bokatí, amparatí, paisí, jirundo.) ANFINÍ (verb)-á eg. chineá ojopeá namá verbs that end in "a" (namá, gugá) just put the accent on the last sillable to differentiate the grammatical meaning nama=food namá=to eat ININDIKATÍ the indicative mode has 6 tenses: present, past, future, composed present/past/future the present tense uses the following suffixes per subject: -o 1st person sing -a 2nd person sing -a 3rd person sing -amu 1st person sing -ait 2nd person sing -an 3rd person sing when conjugating, the a of the infinitive is removed and replaced by the suffixes accordingly eg. to talk mea chineo tea chineà lia chineà meabe/ba chineamu teabe/ba chineait liabe/ba chinean to act mea akto tea aktá lia aktá meabe/ba aktamu meabe/ba aktait liaba/be aktán for the past tense, it is necessary to attach the past particle -ax at the end of the verb conjugated in the present tense eg. to buy mea kompoax tea kompaax lia kompaax meabe/ba kompamuax teabe/ba kompaitax liabe/ba kompanax the x is pronouned like a ch, with the tongue in alveolar position the future tense is formed with the suffix "ha" at the end of the verb in the present form eg. to make (subject is odmitable) foho faha faha famuha fait'ha fanha COMPOSITE TENSES all composite tenses use the auxiliary "a" and it conjugates as such 1: o 2: a 3: a 1: amo 2; ait 3: an when using composite tenses, the tense is expressed in the auxiliary rather than in the verb itself, so the auxiliary will take the "ax" or "ha" particle depending on the tense, while the principal verb will take the infinitive form with -(a)x eg to sell o vendax oax vendax oha vendax a vendax ax vendax aha vendax a vendax ax vendax aha vendax amo vendax amoax vendax amoha vendax ait vendax aitax vendax aitha vendax an vendax anax vendax anha vendax

note: the 1, 2, 3rd person can take a contracted form eg. mea o/meabe amo--->m'o/m'amo tea a/teaba ait--> t'a/t'ait lia a, liaba an-->l'á, l'an (which also means "there is/there are) eg. l'á anna fabika abandoní sintoäuta sidà there's an abandoned factory in the center of the city l'an skasax i cohoni they have broken our balls t'ait chepaax dano? did you hurt yourself?

KAADISAONÍ the conditional is expressed by the particle "kasi" and relates to every hypothetical situation. it is added at the end of an indicative verb eg. kompo-->kompokasí this works in all tenses eg. to choose (eljá) eljokasi, eljoaxkasi, eljohakasí, okasi eljax, oaxkasí eljax, ohakasi eljax in hypothetical clauses, the tense of the conditional determines the type of possibilty of an event happening PRESENT: certain outcome, habituary and known things PAST: impossible outcome, irrealistic scenario, unchangeable fact FUTURE: uncertain outcome, it may or may not happen but being uncertain it does not affect the possibility of a certain outcome eg. chamokasí-ka lia meake konteta if i call him he picks up mogoaxkasí o monta danaro-eyu-ka pobatá tochiax if i had all the money in the world i would end poverty si yugahakasí a yuniva kal matera eljakasi if you went to university, what course would you take (in the future clause the verb in the principal clause will be in the conditional form note: ka is a particle of ruchi languages that signals that in a sentence with more clauses that the one that has it is a dependant clause PARIATÍ the causative form (to let someone do x, to make someone do x) is a form that is marked by the particle -pari. It applies to all verbs in every tense without any irregularities eg. to cook kosinopari kosinoaxpari kosinapari kosinaaxpari kosinapari kosinaaxpari kosinamopari kosinamoaxpari kosinaitpari kosinaitaxpari kosinanpari kosinanaxpari

the subject of the verb is the one who lets someone do or make someone do something When used with the conditional, the order of the suffixes is X(cond)+(caus) eg you would let me stay at your place mea imixiokasipari you would have loved it tea axkasipari amax za

BOKATÍ it expresses the desire for something, works with every other verbal mode. It is formed like this: voá(verb)boká
verb to want (voá): vo, voa, voa, voamo, voait, voan. eg. mea vo namaboká anna yelao i want to eat an ice cream the particle rule puts boká at the end of the verb, so if other modes are added, boka will hold the final position in the structure of the verb, expect for the passive, which is attached to the auxiliary voá eg. voax chineapariboka pesiamaju k chineaitparisak i want to say a word especially since I've let you talk zemu ukavo chankiapariboka i want to be let alone

AMPARATÍ formed by adding oo at the end of the verb only 2nd personal singular and plural admit this form eg. to sit asiwaoo asiwaitoo to express an order in other subjects you use the form (deb(x)+inf) eg. lia deba chinea anna kaósa he's got to do something eg. liaba deban onshiá a mosica you have to turn down the music

PAISÍ the passive mode is made by putting the prefix "uka" before the verb or the auxiliary eg. ukaamasax (he has been killed) Franco ukamena (Franco is being beaten up) a reseta ukanafoaha (the recipe will be changed)

JIRUNDO the jirundo expresses something that is happening continuosly at the present moment (like the continious tense in english, or the ma particle in saboki). It is made by adding the suffix -and at the end of the verb in infinitive mode. eg. a busa apasand (the bus passing) to be conjugated in other tenses, it has to add the auxilary ta, which holds the time tense and the key verb is in jirundo. eg. mea tax usand a compiuta with causative, the -pari particle goes after the core verb eg. lia ta gayandpari liaas nama she's giving away her food with conditional and passive the suffixes are attached to the auxiliary verb. eg. ukata hagand pa doina anwi (passive) its being built for two years (and its still going) eg. taxkasi patand ariesäu, i an sentax o memo kiyoriota fior (posias, Franc Bezeur 1699) if i was walking through the streets, and i didn't smell the same smell of the flower

ARTICLES there are five articles: DETERMINATE o, a, e, i o, a SINGULAR e, i PLURAL the two articles in both categories don't have gender rules, as romaniekei does not have grammatical gender altogether, so typically they would be used in relation to the word it preceedes, eg. assonance a boteya (the bottle), o hayogi (the fish) in plural, the articles technically follow the gender rules of european languages, as when pluralized the "i" follows the same pattern as the "o" and "e" does so with "a". That is because originally the articles were gendered and thus "o" and "i" were masculine and "a" and "e" were feminine. i fiyoba (the sons) e saiteba (the mountains) INDETERMINATE anna -used in the same fashion as a, an anna boteya tax rompax teräu a bottle was broken on the ground

PARTICLES as romaniekei is also a ruchi language it uses an array of particles to convey specific meanings 1)äu: adaptation of the -eu particle of warabo (yeu in saboki), static locative (unstatic when the verb of the clause is in gerund, meaning it can describe any movement in one location) eg. to sidäu (I'm in the city) atant ta pateand ga fatieäu l'an jen perikosísak be careful walking through that neighbourhood because there are dangerous people

2)ta: genitive particle, specification eg. a metorinata sida (the city of metorina) 3) as: possessive particle eg. meaas gako (my cat)

4. shai: directionality particle, both concrete and abstract (includes relationships between people) note: this system is different from ruchi languages that have concrete and abstract distinction: eg SBK: yai (C), ma (A) WRBK: shai, ma eg. plajashai olin yugá (the wave goes towards the beach) mowoax gahija teashai anna regà (i thought about giving a present to you) note: it is used for reflexive actions eg. meashai duxo (i take a shower) eg. teashai ane chepand teaona mau (you're only hurting yourself)

5. í/ní=quality particle, marks a quality adjective, it can also mark an adverb eg. ohima è beí zawi but you're beautiful today when the adjectivized word ends in -i, the latter is accented, but if the word has another vowel the -ni suffix is added eg. zawi èax sereni ehimamu ax amapasax a yová. i was happy but then it started raining

6. za/ga: this/that, used contextually to convey if something is close or far from the speaker or the listener -za: close to the subject, both in time and space, close to speaker eg. zawi= today, this day zäu=right here eg. zasapoäu sapoá caosaba k'an l'á anäu this store sells thing that you can't find anywhere -ga: far from the subject, both in time and space, close to the listener gawi=tomorrow, another day gäu=over there, in that place eg. l'á chepanax kemani gakaosa o l'á fax bulandju? did he really do that or was he joking?

7. ju: modality particle, expresses mode in which an action is performed eg. musa uxa o marteo, deba batá o chodo atantíju when you use the hammer, you have to beat the nails carefully

8. sak: reason particle, it explains a reason or a consequence for an action eg. an ax atantaxsak-ka a bola an poá fubapoxäu the ball didn't score a goal because you weren't paying attention mogo mea sosak/mogosak-ka mea so "i think therefore i am" the sak particle can be put on any clause in the sentence as long as the action and the consequence are complementary, meaning that the two elements can be both the consequence or the action and if inverted the statement keeps the same meaning. (this works only if sak is suffixed to a verb) eg. anax yelosak t'ax anfarmax/t'anfarmaxsak anax yelo

9)ke: final marker, marks the purpose of something or what it wants to achieve eg. zekaosa chepáke-ka debamo harachepá in order to do this we'll have to put in the effort

10. eyu: inclusion particle, takes every element of a concept and includes all units of it without any exclusion eg. mon-eyu (the whole world)

11. ka: this particle is a subordinate clause marker and it follows the same rules of subordinate clauses in ruchi languages: it is put when the subordinate clause isn't preceded by the main clause or is not directly in front of the principal clause. The nature of the subordinate clause is determined by the marker before it eg. drinking alcohol (PR) is not the solution to your problems (DP)= an è a solusáta teaas ankaosa-ka(DP) gugá alkol (PR) eg2. cosinandju-ka liashai ukachoapari he made himself be forgiven by cooking something eg.3 m'o parax anna shemí l'á meashai chineax (in this case the ka is not necessary because the declarative clause is put after the principal clause l'á meashai chineax-ka m'o parax anna shemí translation: he told me i looked like a fool

12. ona/memo: to oneself, reflective action. It is interchangable with shai but ona relates more to oneself. memo literally means "same" but in front of a noun it can mean "oneself" eg. to ankaponá co-meaona (I'm angry at myself) teashai debehakasí ankaponá co-tememo (you should be angry at yourself)

13)co-: company, association. (with, through) co-podè a amixà kaosa-eyu è pobabí. with the power of frienship everything is possible

14. na=quantitative particle, used to enumerate objects eg. katna pishi (four fish) the particle na is necessary because numbers are nouns and on their own they cannot determine the state or the quantity of something, so na is a quantifier for the nouns they're enumerating

OTHER PRONOUNS interrogative pronouns: -tak (what) -kal (which)
-kant (how much) other interrogative pronouns are made by adding a particle according to what your pronoun wants to express; takäu= where tajù= how tasak= why, because tamu= when také= for what purpose, to what end tajent=who -numbers: 1: an 11:ansi 21: vintian 2: doi 12: dosi 22: vindoi 3: che 13: cherixi 23: vintiche 4: kat 14: katorixi 24: vintkat 5: chin/ 15: chinje/ 25: vinchin san sanke vintsan
6: sè 16: serixi 26: vintsé 7: set 17: tiaxaset 27: vintset 8: ot 18: tiaxot 28: vinxot 9: no 19: tiaxnó 29: vintianó 10: tia 20: vintia 30: chentia (the numbers after 30 follow the same rules of the numbers after 20) 40: karantia 50: chintia, sankantia 60: setia 70: setetia 80: otatia 90: nontia 100: xint* 1000: miü 10000: tiamiü 100000: xintmiü 1000000: an mion 1000000000: an mirà *800 is oxint eg: 627=sexintvintset 1314=miüchexintkatorixi 22892=vindoimiü oxintnondoi 673752=sexintsetentichemiü setxintsankandoi

VOCABULARY heavily borrows from european languages, most notably from piedmontese, catalan, occitan, genoan, tuscan, sardinian, italian (as aforementioned languages share many cognate words with italian), french, spanish and Portuguese. Many words have been borrowed in this language eg. sida=city (from portuguese "cidade") cohoni=(vulg) testicles (from venetian idiot "cojone"

zjaí=(adj) horrible, distasteful (from piedmontese "sgiai")

the language has also a notable presence of warabo vocabulary, more specifically from the eastern warabo dialects. eg. keia (language) S-WRB: keiyá EWRB: kéeià chineá (to speak) S-WRB: xinéaa
EWRB: chiniaa ojope (work) S-WRB: ojopiye EWRB: oshope

it's still work in progress

A LITTLE VENT I was on reddit on the r/autism and i read something on the rules that made me doubt my autism (that the raads-r is not a reliable tool for diagnosis, but i accidentally glossed over the part that said "unless the results are evaluated in a clinical setting", which happened in my case) and this user came and said that the RAADS (which is not the test i took) and the AQ (autism quotient, which i never took) have a high false positive rate, followed by, get this, links from a paper funded by autism speaks and old research. When i first read their reply i explained in the greatest detail i could the proocedings of my diagnosis, but then when i called my older brother (he's kinda my anchor in this chaos that is my life and even assisted me during the diagnostic process) he reassured me that my diagnosis is valid because it was interpreted by a professional clinician and helped me sort it out. That's when i found out that the papers the redditor sent were either pretty old in modern neuroscience terms or funded by autism speaks, and not only that, they seem to be one those "elitist" autistic people that bash self-diagnosed people in spite of them mostly not having the money for an assessment, and them just invalidating them thinking they were all influenced by social media to think so. I've felt so down these few days because of this self-doubt and seeing this really pissed me off, to send outdated research and autismspeaks funded research to a person struggling with doubt, it is downright cruel in my opinion. moral of the story: to hell with reddit unrelated pic

in my case i have a very strong internal echolalia, as in i get stuck with a phrase or a specific thought, song, word, ecc... which i find very annoying, though I dont know about external echolalia, I never noticed

hi, I'm an italian 22yo with level 1 autism and ADHD, recently diagnosed. I just joined and wanted to have a place where I'm understood. I hope we get along well :D