The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/MaudeDib on 2025-04-16 23:06:41.
I got invited to a coworker’s (Bgirl) birthday dinner at a Sushi place. I declined because bleh, I can’t stand fish.
So I get there and of COURSE there is no “other stuff.” Ended up eating miso soup, plain rice & tea. There were 11 people total, including Bgirl. Everyone else was a friend of hers. I was the only coworker there. I was stuck between two people who each turned the other way to talk to someone else. Ugh.
The check came. Bgirl smiled and thanked everyone loudly for “treating her to such a wonderful dinner” and then disappeared to the bathroom for 20 minutes. Someone did the math and said, “Okay, it’s $360 each, including tip. I can put it on my card and everyone can Venmo me.”
I almost did a spit take. I just stared at my plate. My adrenaline started going. Luckily I had cash so I fished in my purse and put $25 down next to my plate which hopefully covered miso, rice and tea.
To my shame, I took the cowards way out! I said I was heading to the bathroom but I just WALKED STRAIGHT OUT. I didn't even say goodbye. I didn't want 9 other sets of eyes staring me down and pressuring me.
A few days ago Bgirl came back from her trip and immediately came to my desk and loudly told me I "completely ruined" her dinner AND her trip because she didn't get to a few things she had planned because she she had to cover my “share." She said that I should have just talked to her if I couldn’t afford it. She offered to let me pay her back in installments at $50 per paycheck.
I told her I could afford it but I had NEVER agreed to pay for her meal, and if that was the expectation, she should have told me so when she invited me so I could make an informed decision. I don't feel I owe her or her friends anything.
She INSISTS that it’s “customary” to split evenly when a big group goes out to dinner and everyone know that the birthday person never pays, that I should have just gone with the flow. Everyone knows this, Maudedib, its standard social etiquette.
I told her there was no law that says everyone else pays for the Birthday person or that you split the bill evenly. She actually said, “It’s not the letter of the law,” it’s the spirit of the law.”
I told her, "Cool. Well, the spirit of my wallet said no."
Now she is campaigning behind my back, gossiping to anyone who will listen (behind my back) that Maudedib is a broke cheap-ass bitch who skips out on the bill and warning them not to go to lunch with me, etc. She has sent me a flurry of demanding texts which I am ignoring.
AITAH for not splitting the bill evenly with 10 strangers when I barely ate and didn't agree to pay for her?
TL;DR: Coworker pressured me into her pricey sushi birthday dinner. I ate $25 worth of miso, rice, and tea. Bill came $360 each which included paying for Bday girl's dinner. I paid $25 cash & bounced. Now she’s mad I didn’t split evenly or pay for her and is insisting I owe her. AITAH?