The Onion and other satire w/ layers

In the wake of soaring egg prices and shortages nationwide, food experts from the U.S. Department of Agriculture released new guidelines Friday recommending the use of hunger as an appropriate egg substitute. “Whether used as a binder in baked goods or on its own as a savory breakfast, not eating can be substituted for eggs in most recipes,” said a USDA spokesperson, citing the practice as a popular method of food preparation that dates back to the Great Depression, when many Americans had nothing on hand in the pantry, making hunger a practical alternative for many meals.