this post was submitted on 26 Jan 2025
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Freeze Peach Patriots

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let me tell you i am literally like jesus

i mean hear me out i am constantly battling the devil and Hes always trying to take ahold of me and lead me astray its like He knows im a threat to His evil plans and Hell stop at nothing to get me

for example

He tries to get ahold of me when im at the grocery store He tries to make me go down the snack aisle and im just there for some bread and eggs and here comes the devil whispering in my ear telling me to get cupcakes again

also whenever my hot cousin visits the devil always tries to get ahold of me then too and makes me think evil thoughts and tries to get me to do things that i know are wrong but i have to resist

even my own nephew is not immune to the devils influence

he was trying to get me to switch to the dark side by telling me that the democrats arent so bad and that maybe i should consider voting for them but i was like no way nephew i know thats just the devil talking through you

its a constant battle

but im not going to give up im going to keep fighting the good fight and spreading the truth no matter what the devil throws my way and i will not be silenced like jesus was

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[–] ChadMcTruth@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

@flatworm7591@lemmy.dbzer0.com this should be the yepowertrippinbastards banner

[–] Flatworm7591@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 months ago

I don't like the christian shit. If it was less neutral I might consider it (also wider)

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

chad mctruth please liberate the world from the deep state

you shold write a bible and then start a podcast we must fight the communist deepstate at all costs

[–] ChadMcTruth@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

this is a great idea thank you for your encouragement

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

no problem but i want 50% prophets of what you make

[–] ChadMcTruth@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

okay but i get the bottom halves except for daniel you can have his bottom half

1000007999

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

where is abraham you cheapskate

i want the BIG fish and i like them BIG and PLUMP

[–] ChadMcTruth@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

oh man you think abraham is a bigger fish than these four guys but he didnt even deliver extensive written prophecies or messages to large audiences he only received personal revelations from god and acted on them with his role emphasizing faith and covenant whereas the prophets ive shared with you so far made public proclamations and authored extensive prophetic writings in fact you can have 100% of abraham because he reminds me of lincoln and lincoln felt it was okay to suspend habeas corpus so i hate him

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

counterpoint he had so much sex that he was the father of two races jews and arabs 😎 abraham is my daddy

how much sex did they have??? thats what i thougt leberal

[–] ChadMcTruth@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

good argument i take it back i want at least 75% of abraham

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] ChadMcTruth@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

this deal is acceptable to me its been a pleasure doing business with you

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

thank you its very important for a son to own his fathers peniles

[–] ChadMcTruth@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

oh shit that probably means our grandchildren are the time traveling deepstate liberals after our manhood the ones what who gave me and my father and his father before him what you called a circumsision

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

omgovd IM the lirebal???? it cant be...

that explains why i love foreskin so much

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 2 points 2 months ago

they taste salty

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That's not what Jesus looks like! Where's his gun? Also, most pictures I see of Jesus, he has 6 fingers on each hand so he can fight crime better.

[–] fxomt@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

yea jesus was american where is his maga hat (gobless prez tump❤️) this is fake smh my head