Stress is the obvious answer. You won't be able to guess what is causing it, so don't start speculating. You can try to impress upon her that you are a safe outlet for that stress if you are able and willing to really be that for her, (Don't just jump at it because you are curious. You might not like what comes from it, and it's worse to pull back after the fact than to not offer at all.) or you can just be a source of stability while she works through it herself. Use your best judgement.
this post was submitted on 22 Jan 2025
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Asklemmy
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She is doing better 😊
As a girl, this reads like positive emotion that makes her feel embarrassed or guilty. Is she in a relationship with someone else? Maybe she's fighting something she feels towards you.
Is your friendship close enough that you could just mention some of the behaviour you've observed and ask what's up?
She just says shes fine, its so weird
A bunch of randos on the 'net won't be able to tell you any better than she can. If she says she's fine reaffirm your friendship and tell her you're there if she needs to talk and otherwise carry on. Not much else you can do without jeopardizing the friendship.
I mean I'm a pod person but, how about you literally just say all this to her instead? Ain't nobody psychic. Assumptions are stupid, get the facts.
ok tysm, last time i tried to ask she just said she was fine
Yeah that's tough when you run into a wall like that. Maybe just reiterate that something seems up, and then if she refuses to admit that, you can at least expand on your observations and why you think something is up. Ultimately, if she still refuses to talk about things, you have a binary choice to make. Tolerate it, or walk away.
The one thing I'm fairly certain of with women is they are never just "fine". And if they say they're "fine", they most definitely are not.
Agreed, as an AFAB person myself
As others have said, but I want to make more clear, she could be dealing with shit she isn't ready to share. (Death, Failing Grades, etc)
Reaffirm the friendship. Let them know you are there for them. Ask if they want to do something districting. Hikes, movies, or sit silently looking at the wall.
I was gonna ask if she had gotten herself into an abusive relationship OP doesn't know about.
It can mean one of six thousand different things, none of which will ever be made clear to you.
it means you have a crush on her
just a lil bit
It sounds like she's upset about something that involves you in some way. I would just ask her.
Tysm. She always says she’s ok and doesn’t seem upset most of the time. She even acts friendly a lot, like normal :(
I'm sure it's probably some kind of misunderstanding
What is up with all these personal questions lately?
I don't wanna sound cliché, but go touch some grass. Don't you all have IRL friends to ask in place of internet randos (such as myself) who know jack shit about your life?
Growing up in the late 80s, early 90s, I would have loved to ask strangers a question so I wouldn't have to worry about them asking me for a follow up later! That's what those advice columns were for!
That's fair, just that there's too many of these lately. But I guess we're not big enough to want to have specific community for personal advice.
makes sense
Just my two cents: maybe give her some space, leave her alone for a week or two, while checking in every few days. Also, do you have mutual friends?
we do!! she’s better now, i cant ask them bc they’re friends w her ex who has a crush on her
Quite a tricky situation. Are you romantically interested in her?
Eh, a lil bit
Well then, good luck and take it easy!
I know you've said that you've asked her, and she's stated she's fine, but I think it matters how you ask. Sit down with her, mention the behaviors you've observed, explain how these things make you feel (I assume you're worried about a friend), and just let her know you're there for her if she ever wants to talk. Try not to make it too much about yourself, but be honest with your emotions... and try not to offer fixes for anything unless she asks. Myself and a lot of other women aren't always open with men, even friends, because it can be exhausting dealing with their problem solver personalities; we normally know how to fix things already, but doesn't mean they don't weigh on our minds.
I have asked her and she just says shes fine. She also can act completely normal and seems friendly, like shes not upset with me or anything, just normal, and doesnt indicate shes upset besides that, but its really odd. Its like she wants to hang with me but something’s preventing her? She even said i could go to her house so…
Idk man I think she might like you. I used to be like that as a teen, extra self conscious in front of my crushes
This is my take as well. She's happy to see/ talk to you, but she thinks she's sending out some kind of hint or another then gets moody when she thinks you haven't picked up on a vague hint and responded in kind.
If she's said you can come over (again, vaguely vs outright asking you to come hang out on X day), then ask her if this Saturday would be good? Figure out a movie to stream. After you start it, get a cozy blanket and ask her if she wants to snuggle while watching the movie?
This would have totally worked on teen me.
She's usually busy with sports/inactive on phone. plus, she and her ex like each other (tho she says it's not true, they flirt and ex fs likes her) and her ex happens to be a close friend
But i'll try asking
If she says she doesn't like him like that, she might be telling the truth.
But she might also have something personal going on she can't talk about. Give it time and either it will come out, or it won't, and this is just how she is now.
How old are you?
Have you considered asking what's up?
I have, im a teen 😅
Well let me share with you the wisdom of age: often you can just ask someone what's up.
This also works on dates: you can just ask someone out. You don't have to go all in your head about it. If only someone had told me when I was a teen, alas.
Thank you so much ^_^ yeah ive asked and she just says shes fine
You have considered? Or you have asked?
Ive asked
Glad to see teens on Lemmy. I hope that you can fix it with your friend.
OP has a crush on her and is trying to know if she's interested in them as well
my two cents
yeah kinda
but her behavior was also confusing me even in a friend way
How confident are you that she also sees things as 'just friends'?
she supposedly likes someone else that she broke up w 2 yrs ago, unless she likes two ppl at once
ig not all ppl are openly flirty when they feel this way but still. i did act avoidant towards my crushes.
if she didn’t see things as just friends, it might explain a lot better, but im not confident, i just assume no
Liking multiple people at once is super common. The love triangle is a trope for a reason.
If you don’t like her then don’t worry about it (other than to maybe pay attention to how you’re acting around her and avoid flirting unintentionally) but if you’re interested in her, maybe try pursuing that? Flirt with her a bit and see if she reciprocates. If she likes you, there’s a good chance she’s been flirting with you and you’ve just been oblivious.
If you’re too shy to intentionally flirt, you could ask her outright, but it’d probably be better to ask her something that hints at your interest, like “I like this girl but I can’t tell if she’s into me - what sorts of signs should I be looking for?” Should be pretty obvious what you’re both saying and asking.
If she's interested but shy and insecure, this could lead her into a spiral of worry and despair. Better to just say "I really like you" and see how she reacts.
That’s worth considering, but it also needs to be weighed against possibly impacting their friendship if she’s not interested. I also wouldn’t recommend saying he “really likes her” if he doesn’t already like her a lot that way, but even just “I like you” would work just as well.
You make a very good point. I assumed way too much.