Asklemmy

Do you care if others see you as an asshole? Remove morality and other social obligations from it, if you don't like someone, you don't like someone. If spending time with this person upsets you, don't. Hell, even if you force yourself to go there's a chance he'll get under your skin and you'll end up causing a problem.

I wouldn't go to a Nazi wedding either.

you'll never be an asshole for not dealing with nazi apologists homie

I cut my sister out of my life and didn’t go to her wedding for similar reasons. I don’t regret it one bit and it has helped my mental health tremendously. However, I didn’t do it to “teach her a lesson,” or “prove anything,” I did it so I could live with myself, and stay true to my values. We all only have limited time and energy on this planet, so think about the way you spend them and what’s most important to you. For me, my biological family is toxic. My chosen family is awesome.

Jesus go outside and touch some grass

He is getting married in a foreign country soon

Where is he getting married? Plan a nice holiday in this country and take half a day to attend the wedding just for showing your face. Stand at the back of the room, make sure enough people see you to say you were there, then slowly back away and continue with your nice holiday of the country.

Or save your money and get absolutely loaded on blackjack and hookers back home.

For what it's worth: something I haven't seen come up (so while this is a pragmatic perspective, don't pretend I'm dismissing the importance of your relationship and your values! I'm only adding this for variety and discussion)

People can change. Many won't, but some do. [vid: former white supremacists describing their process of leaving] Whether you think your brother is willing or able to change is your call, and whether it's worth the emotional and mental strain is your call. You aren't obliged, but it's worth considering.

People who have left these ideologies, from what I've heard, often come back to two main points - they had someone in their life who cared about them, but was also unwilling to tolerate their bullshit, and they had to want to leave it by themselves. Honestly, I see parallels with people recovering from serious drug addictions and cults like QAnon.

But, again, this isn't easy and there's no guarantee of them changing, so do not feel obliged to even try. Your health is more important, and there are plenty of other ways you can help change the world.

If your brother defending a nazi salute at a nazi inauguration isn't reason enough for you to sit out his wedding, what on earth would be?

Depends on how strongly you value your relationship with your brother. He may be a fuckwaffle, but he is your fuckwaffle. It's big of you setting your differences aside. If you don't go, and he means a lot to you outside of his political views, then you might regret not going. If you don't really care for him and political ideology is more important then dont go. I think not going is kind of crossing the Rubicon, but I don't know the situation part from your details

No, it sounds like your brother is actually the asshole.

Show him you're the bigger person, support him on this happy day, then be on with it. Not going to his wedding would not only make you the enemy. It'd also create hostility and he may be left thinking that your political beliefs drove you away and made you abandon your family. Don't let some billionaire be the wedge in your relationship with your family.

Perhaps I should clarify things even further:

They are actually already married and I was at their first wedding. It was done at the courthouse during the pandemic so they could initiate her greencard application. This upcoming wedding is more of a celebration for the families.

I have two other brothers who are not going for unrelated reasons.

Not that these facts necessarily change anything, I felt they’re worth bearing in mind.

I think you're well aware that small political differences shouldn't get in the way of family and have worked to be tolerant in the past.

You're not an asshole. You're an adult. You shouldn't do this lightly but if you've given this serious consideration you should follow your heart.

"If 10 people sit on a table with a Nazi, there are 11 Nazis on that table".

You are not the asshole.

You aren't the asshole. A Nazi apologist is still a Nazi. The apologists are the ones who open the gates so the Nazis can get in.

In theory, would be much better to keep debating calmly without personal attacks. Further polarizing society, calling each other Nazi and Commie will lead to a civil war in the end. I know this is difficult, when there is no common ground, and neither facts not science exist anymore.

Your last paragraph contains the clue. What message do you genuinely believe your brother will understand from you refusing to attend his wedding? Will it do any good? Does it seem likely to change anyone's behavior?

If yes, then don't go. If no, then put that thought aside and reconsider whether you actually want to go, then decide based on that.

Supporting Nazis is a perfectly fine reason to cut someone out of your life for good. In fact, you'd be an asshole if you did go.

life is too short to voluntarily deal with fascists, blood relative or not. no reason to go. nta

Either way some people will think you're an asshole.

In a vacuum, yeah obviously he's being a piece of shit. I'm honestly not really sure what his point is in saying Democrats did it first? So... it's ok because they did it first? Or it's bad, but we're only saying something because the other team did it ("it's [d]ifferent")?

Frankly, your brother might just be a fucking idiot that believes whatever is put in front of him. That sucks, especially when you have to hear his regurgitated Nazi apologia, but it's fuzzier whether that means you shouldn't go to his wedding.

I mean, it's also possible that he's actively malignant, but his response indicates to me a lack of critical thinking.

And if you want to skip your brother's wedding because he's an idiot, then that's ok! You get to set your own rules and boundaries based on your values and what you are willing to tolerate.

Personally, I'd probably go. Sure, he has shitty beliefs, but if that's only because they were spoon fed in meme format to him, is that his fault? Or is that the fault of whatever algorithm he's subjected to (which is likely under pro-billionaire influence)?

Either way, I'd recommend spending some time thinking about it before you decide.

the current pantomime is clearly designed to divide us and it's working quite well.

you wouldn't be an arsehole, but divide and conquer is exactly what they want

Personally I think you’re pushing one hot button waiting for it to blow. I’m sure my father voted for trump. Should I not see him because of it? Or half of America? Wanting your brother to agree with you by punishing him just makes you look childish.

That said, I don’t know the rest of the dynamic. Others might say it’s worth it but honestly you all are just fighting over minor values. Do you expect all family to have exactly your values? Are you a liberal? Because this honestly seems like a lib more than a leftist move. Playing intellectually superior while trying to emotionally hurting the other.