this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
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Microblog Memes

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LinkedIn 3rd person (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
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[–] [email protected] 121 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

I wrote my resume exclusively in second-person POV, to reel the recruiter in and set the scene for what it would be like to work with me (bad)

You pull up Mister Doctor’s resumé and scan the contents starting with the summary section. Mister Doctor has chosen to write his resumé in second-person perspective you note, hoping to impress you with a spark of originality. You hate it, he has failed.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I've read this is the Stanley Parable narrator's voice, which I assume is the intent.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

It was the narrator from Actual Cannibal Shia Lebouf for me

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

ooh, that one is pretty good too

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Rob cantor?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

Absolutely same!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

I'm reading it like the Broken Earth books.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago

this just makes me wish my resume ever got read by real humans anymore... at least then i could be cute with it.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Linkedin gives me brain cancer; almost as much as that black mark in the photo.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I didn’t notice. Must’ve done that accidentally while cropping. Will update without mark

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Spent a solid minute trying to find the black mark before I saw this reply

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I only spent 10-15 seconds, but same. Now I'm very slightly angry.

[–] threelonmusketeers 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Petitioning @[email protected] to re-release the black mark version to give us some closure.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] threelonmusketeers 2 points 1 week ago

OP delivers!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Sweet relief.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

One of my least favourite features on android

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why am I reading this in a Khajiit voice.

Does he offer wares?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 week ago

If you have coin

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago

It is a bit demoralizing to spend thousands of hours mastering a professional skill, only to go on LinkedIn and see every other post is some recruiter proclaiming that if your resume doesn't use their favorite font, it goes straight in the bin.

Sorry I didn't major in "Deborah's Resume Preferences" in college.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is this.... a reasonable take on LinkedIn? wow

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They exist! Drowning in a sea of shit, there are nuggets of gold. Have fun digging for them though.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's okay, I'll wait here for the occasional nugget to surface.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Right? Let others more willing to suffer than us do the diving, we'll just skim their gains off the top.

LifeProTip: exploit the hard work of others for your own profit!

(That's a joke)

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago

thank mr shubham 🎺

[–] Kecessa 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Where's Drag when you need drag? That post is for drag!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I blocked that trolling mf such a long time ago and they still were the first person coming to mind lmao

[–] Kecessa 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Are they the first Lemmy icon? 🤔

[–] activ8r 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Nah, Picard Maneuver is much better and they are everywhere!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

They seem to be responsible for every other post on the platform.

I can't really imagine being that dedicated to Lemmy really. Like do they not have a job?

[–] threelonmusketeers 2 points 1 week ago

FlyingSquid and whoever the "no poop" person was ought to be up there as well in terms of notoriety.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

What about the guy with the blue block letters?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I am about to embark on the absolutely loathsome quest of quickfiring my resume out to 200 tech companies I've never heard of with names like Kuttrbox and OpenYum, hoping for a place in their squid games to win a 'prestigious' founding role at their startup, and I'm sincerely considering making an absolutely batshit version just to see what happens. Ideas welcomed.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

Silicon Valley Quote

Richard: It says here on your resume that from 2010 to 2011 you "crushed it"? 
Applicant: That's actually an old resume. It should also read that I crushed it from 2013 to present.
Jared: So are we to understand that you did not "crush it" in 2012? 
Applicant: There was a medical situation preventing me from crushing it to my usual standards. So I had to take some time off until I was able to crush it at 100%, at which point I resumed crushing it full-time.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

To all developers here: have you noticed that there is literally no interesting blogs/ write-ups about software? It always bugged me. So much for "professional network" lol

Pretty all technical conversation are on "python for dummies" level

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

I've found deeper conversations but they tend to be on super niche topics, and if it's anything you're actually familiar with you'll discover that 90% of the comments are people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about but enjoy presenting as knowledgable.

HackerNews might have more of what you're looking for, but be warned: nearly everyone on that site is in love with the idea that they are intelligent enough to speak authoratatively on all topics (they are definitively not), and the general culture is that the crazy reality distortion zone of the San Francisco Bay Area/working for startups/working for bug names like Google is an accurate reflection of general reality (it is not).

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (2 children)

That's a large part of the reason why I got my degree yet work in a completely different industry. There's nothing to captivate my interest except my own work or other people's projects.

That and "fuck computers."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

What, there's loads of interesting blogs. Of course you may not find them interesting but that's kind of on you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

I actually got my degree in business and work as a developer ... for almost a decade now. I always find something interesting somewhere, the whole field is infinitely large. I think, if you wanted to captivate your interest, you would be able to!