Asklemmy

We had an optional secret santa in 5th grade, meaning no kid was forced to participate if they didn't want to. It ran the month of December, you were supposed to give 1 gift a week. The first week I got nothing. The second week I got a single marble. The 3rd week I got a single pencil. The 4th and final week I got a tin of Royal Dansk Danish butter cookies. As a 5th grader, it was the biggest fucking letdown, especially when all the other kids were getting candy, toys, etc, every week.

Pizza baking sheets. They didn't fit in my oven.

A paella pan. I don't like paella.

A coffee grinder. It just doesn't grind coffee beans to the right size.

A random Italian cookbook. I have a chefs degree. I'm well down with basic Italian cooking.

See, I cook every day. Twice. And on occasion I love to cook for friends but that also means I'm over poor quality cooking stuff. I'll buy my own gear. Most people think they do me a favour but I just have useless stuff piling up over the years. I'm grateful to get gifts but last year I just told people right a way that if they want to give me cooking related gifts I would be equally happy with some special sort of salt of some fun ingredients to cook with. Those things don't last as long but it would make for a much better gift for a food enthousiast.

My aunt only ever knew one thing about me, that I grew up liking Harry Potter. First I got all the books, split across two years. Then I got all the movies as they came out, up to the 5th one. After that I was apparently too old for her to know what I liked, I got a gift card to a gas station for 3 years in a row. I mean hey $20 in gas wasn't a totally awful thing as a late teenager, so I guess it could have been worse.

Life.

Missmatched socks.

Not just socks. Missmatched, ugly socks !

A fruit roll up. Some time a few months before christmas, my sister and I were fighting over the last fruit roll up in the box. She got it initially, but I got it in the end. She put it in several boxes Matryoshka style, added weight making it seem heavier, wrapped it, and put it under the tree. Imagine my surprise, after going through several layers to find that fruit roll up. Worst. Christmas. Ever.

When I was younger and foolish, I agreed to help my boss feel a staffing void for a month and a half, which involved at least 20 hours of extra work. I was on salary, so of course it was unpaid overtime. My boss gave me a bonus of $50. That alone is kind of messed up, but my boss should have given me a raise, because it was the end of the year and that's when raises ought to be given, and instead of giving me a raise they gave me that $50 bonus.

I took the money, but I immediately lost all respect for my boss and stopped caring about that job. It was a good lesson, though. Don't work unpaid overtime, and expect your boss to shaft you, because they can take home the money that ought to be going into your wallet, if you let them.

About 20 years ago

I went to my family Christmas with my then-partner. I got a Grinch onesie from my family

We then attended my partner's family Christmas where basically the entire living room was stuffed with presents for the kids (my partner and their siblings). My then-partner complained about how the siblings all got more $$ worth of presents. I pointed out that I got a pair of pjs for Christmas. The reply: "it's not about the dollar amount, it's just they got more than me" (paraphrased)

I hated that present. A fucking onesie? It was such a disappointing present, and for a long time I used it as an example for questions just like this

I kept it and wore it. Eventually I lost the bitterness and started to cherish it even. Which is why I still wear it regularly this time of year! It's quite warm.. plus, it has pockets!

Grinch tax:

Too small clothes so I'd be excited to go on a diet and lose weight... as an already very sick underweight teen with an eating disorder who wasn't a wize zero "but you'll get there"

Paulo Cohelo's garbage books to "help me with my constant depression that keeps bringing everyone down and you like books, no?"

Stuffed animal toy thay was first intended for a baby shower but the mom didn't want it so "why should it go to waste if you can have it as a birthday present"

Plastic surgery offering as a sweet sixteen present "so you can feel beautiful"

Professional acne treatment (Accutane) as a birthday present because "Oh you poor thing need it"

A used and stained old yellow blouse "because it will make you look happier" I hate yellow.

And the list goes on lol. That was growing up and it is one of the many reasons why I am no contact with all of those people.

Now as an independent adult in a stable loving relaionship surrounded by nice genuine friends, I actually get very thoughtful and beautiful gifts. Some expensive, some with no monetary cost.

People keep giving me steak house gift cards.

I'm a vegetarian. I can only eat a roll there.

Gift certificate to a tanning salon when I was a Goth kid.

My mom's boyfriend got me this huge present that just fit under the tree, the gift was pretty heavy. I racked my brain trying to figure out what it was, had no idea. Got to be honest i was a little hyped up to open this thing, even though my opinion of the boyfriend was average

Christmas day I finally get to find out what it is. open the box and it was a Microwave; a second hand microwave. He had replaced his, wasn't even a good microwave (5 minutes to boil a cup of water) Mom already had a microwave and i was 14 years old.

I received a framed picture of my parents, from my parents. They said it was because I didn't have a picture of them hung up in my house.

Not me, but my wife.

She receives an envelope from her grandmother, oh cool, money!
She opened it and it was empty. Okay, no fuss she probably forgot to fill one when making all of them for the family. A week later, she told her grandma it was empty. Her grandma replied "No! There's no way it was empty, your mistaken." This is par for the course. She ignores my wife all the time and talks down to her.

So an empty envelope is the worst I've seen.

At the call center I worked at, our Christmas bonus was a dress shirt with the company logo on it.

My wife wears it when she dyes her hair.

Oh fuck i have a long history of this...

My parents got me a cheap set of tools, pliers, screw drivers, level and a wood burner with no wood to burn at 10. My brother got a gameboy SP and Pokémon.

Two years later I got an electric shaver and Cologne. I didn't start growing facial hair until 17 and didn't have enough to need more than one pass with a razor until 26. Still have the Cologne, it's not awful but it's also not a smell that works for me.

14 I got a store made cake and $20. I can't eat the cake, the frosting makes my face hurt and that's been a problem since I was 5 so they know I can't eat the cake.

Basically, I didn't get a present for me until I met my wife at 30.

I was deployed and got a box from my home unit that was basically just trash. I think it was supposed to be funny, but it was just a lot of scrap paper thrown into a box. Nothing written on them that was for me. Nothing to signal anything. Just a big box of trash that could have been nothing more than the recycling bin upended into it.

That was pretty heartbreaking.

Got the same crappy t-shirt several years apart from the same person.

I was given 30 quarters that had letters and numbers on each one in a black velvet pouch. If you put them in a certain order, it had a message. The quarters went in year order. The message was a Bible passage according to Matthew. It was when Judas was given 30 silver for betraying Jesus.

The context, I told one of our friends that the gifter was trying to get with his wife while he was deployed. He denied and then made me feel like shit to insinuate such a thing. Turns out, it was true.

I still have the quarters so I could give them back some day.

I had an aunt and uncle who, when I was a kid maybe 12, were not well off. They got my brother and I each this toyset that was like make pretend welding. It had a hand tool that, if I remember, let you weld with this soft plastic to make things with the parts in the kit.

It also had a chamber near the nozzle that spun and contained something that made a bunch of sparks.

Well... The thing kept zapping and burning me. Kinda hurt. So, being 12, I complained about it.

And of course, I was an ingrate for not liking the toy they could afford instead of a Lego set or something. The worst of it was I got what my parents meant, my aunt and uncle were kind of ashamed. But it burned me.

Hell I thought it was really cool, and even said so, but I couldn't keep playing with it due to, you know, my hand being red and kinda cut up.

Just bad times all around.

And no, no one suggested put a glove on, and it did not come with one.

I once got a picture of a really cool present from my dad, which he said was in the mail. Never got the present.

Older brother wrapped up his old dirty shoes for me for Christmas.

He thought it was hilarious.

One time my roommate gave me a welding starter set cuz he wanted to learn how to weld LOL.

My mate’s little sister was sad and bemused one Christmas when their parents bought her a (single) Pom-pom. Why would you not buy a pair?

One of those fake electric smores fireplaces…. I have a real hearth

My mother-in-law gave me a booked called The Etiquette Edge which essentially explained how to be polite