We really do live in the weirdest timeline...
this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2023
170 points (98.9% liked)
Not The Onion
11812 readers
707 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Woah jetpacks are actually a thing now? Where do I get one?
Go to Peru and meet the cartels. They have advanced technology they use to steal gold and set up illegal dredging operations. And they've dressed like lizards in bright green and gold armor. And the jetpacks just glow red and fit underneath the feet. It's all very efficient and nothing to do with aliens.
Go to Peru and meet the cartels.
I think I'll pass, thanks.
In Peru, cartels are just DMT entities…
More like cocaine entities.
cocaine entities
That's a cocaine elemental!
Woah jetpacks are actually a thing now? Where do I get one?
I thought the first link was going to be “and it starts right now” jet pack guy.
Not sure of Lemmy etiquette - Do I just paste the link? this guy
Edited to make the link look nicer
I mean they have their own drug-runner submarines. You underestimate how big and professional cartels are.
What is being mined that is so profitable that the miners commute with jet packs?
It’s much more likely they’re trying to harass the indigenous people off the land rather than using it for commuting.
After thinking about it a bit, I thought the same thing. It's still a pretty nuts idea, but it could work.
Children, it would seem.
This is a plot of the new MiB movie, right?
Ahh yes, the much more logical explanation- secret gold miners with jet packs are harassing a local town! Because? Reasons! 🤦🏽♀️
Yes, humans with human made technology that has existed for a few years harassing indigenous people is the more logical explanation. At least as long as the alternative is aliens coming to harass indigenous people in the middle of nowhere, who just happen to live in an area where over 100 illegal mining operations have already been shut down and where 80% of the illegal mining in the country is.
This is some sci-fi bamboozling shit right here and I’m all for it!
These gentlemen are aliens. They seem armored like the green goblin from Spider Man. I have shot one twice and it didn’t fall. Instead, it elevated and disappeared
This one sounds a lot like the plot for an episode of Scooby Doo