Funny: Home of the Haha
Welcome to /c/funny, a place for all your humorous and amusing content.
Looking for mods! Send an application to Stamets!
Our Rules:
-
Keep it civil. We're all people here. Be respectful to one another.
-
No sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia or any other flavor of bigotry. I should not need to explain this one.
-
Try not to repost anything posted within the past month. Beyond that, go for it. Not everyone is on every site all the time.
Other Communities:
-
/c/[email protected] - Star Trek chat, memes and shitposts
-
/c/[email protected] - General memes
Bueno chicos, nos quedamos con Oregon. Ya escucharon!
The main reason you shouldnβt invade is that almost all of these people own guns.
What's the context for the Nazis in the northwest?
There are a lot of right-wing militias there. Oregon was basically settled for racist white people. Outside the major cities, the Pacific NW has a lot of fascists.
Ah, so theres some real-world reason the movie Green Room is set in Oregon? Interesting!
"That still know the old ways"
A friend and I took an out-of-state friend to a bar and we ordered moonshine. My friend and I could not get over how wrong it felt to buy moonshine in a public place. With a permit.
I'm still surprised you can buy it legally.
That ain't moonshine.
Moonshine is what you get from a shady hillbilly type off the side of a dirt road sitting in a shack with two shotguns on a wall. You ask him if he got any and he says something like "not fur free" with an almost toothless smile. He's got horrible hair a stringy beard, and you get the sense he's the kind of guy who don't wash his hands a lot.
You give him the money first, then he takes a shotgun and walks behind the shack. He hands you the two gallons you bought, one in one of those plastic gallon jugs you get milk in and the other a weird looking metal pot that doesn't look close to a gallon but you realize it's probably best not to argue with this guy.
He pulls out a metal cup and another jug (that he left behind under the table he was at to get your stuff) and says "firs ones on me" pours you some, and you better fucking take it.
Yeah, there's a real risk that this stuff might have less safe alcohols in it, but these guys don't wanna die so it's usually safe so you take the swig and regret everything that lead you up to this point as you cough down the highest proof corn and something else liquor you've ever had.
You politely tell him thank you and he gives you that grotesque smile as you drive away.
That stuff's for tourists. I haven't drank a drop in 7 years and I can still get you a jar of real shine if you want.
To be fair, the term βmoonshineβ nowadays doesnβt exclusively refer to illegally produced liquor and is often used to describe non-barrel-aged whiskey made from corn.
As a resident of "this part wouldn't be that tough", i disagree. The entire Cascade range extending from the top of the central valley to the top of Washington, extending out to the ocean, is very very rough, steep, heavily forested terrain that would be absolute hell to get any kind of equipment through if the locals were to blow up a grand total of three bridges on three separate highways.
Also, fat chance invading the USA from the Pacific. That's like trying to get through a chastity belt by putting your dick in the padlock.
The Americans are the premier naval power.
Hawaii, Midway and other Pacific islands having monitoring stations.
The Pacific isn't as easy to cross as you think due to it's size and it has some nasty ass storms.
Pair that with the coastal regions usually having cliffs rather than somewhere a landing craft could pull up and it isn't easy for a start.
Now mix in people who know the terrain and don't want you there.
Why exactly?
The Pacific is pretty big, it's an ocean after all.
you do conquer it but the locals keep trying to feed you organic, wild harvested, artisanal Amanita soup
"Terrain is the first enemy your army will encounter" - Sun Tzu (not really, I just made that up)
Terrain is definitely an enemy you will encounter.
The first enemy your army will encounter is usually logistics.
Depending on how far back you want to go, you could make the argument for your army's first enemy being...
-
Basic training
-
Recruitment
-
Their mothers' birth canals
-
The dating scene in their home villages
Nah man, itβs the yo mama jokes youβre sending via Morse code nonstop
There is a second contingent of people who wear shorts in the winter in between the corn maze and the Mormons. The ones that who don't own guns still know how to swing a bike lock.
CMP people? What's that
The CPU instruction to compare, I think. (I lived around there for a number of years and have no idea)
Civilian Marksmanship Program.
Garands, Garands everywhere.
Corps of military police? No idea either
Florida man would be the ultimate defender of an invasion, cause he's too stupid to know when to die
To crazy to stop, to stupid to die.
Feels like a b movie tag line
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
It's just the meth and bath salts giving him superpowers. Gotta weaponize the DEA if you wanna take him down
Man, I hate dealing with contractors too
Apparently Hawaii is safe?
The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.
Russian asset in the white house (again :p )
Let's start by attacking Hawaii then.
Ask Japan how that worked out.
So you're saying this map is keeping vital information from us that the Japanese have?
What... they DON'T wear shorts in winter in Florida??
Colorado just sitting there watching? Along with a few other statesβ¦
And I'm not so sure about coastal Northern California / Southern Oregon. It's marked on the map as being not that difficult. But I believe there are still plenty of paranoid, heavily-armed pot growers up in that area.
Coloradans are fit, enjoy difficult hunting in bad terrain, know how to maneuver off road vehicles, are naturally trained at high altitudes, generally have good survival skills, and includes a large population of active or former military.
Not to mention, the Rockies stretch the entire length of the State.
They're a good candidate for the Final Boss.
To get to Colorado means getting past Mormons, the cartel, machine gun enthusiasts, armed farmers, and backcountry hunters(militia should also be a concern in that area). Colorado is quite well defended by topography and neighbors that they might as well just stay high and chill.