Not being kind to people in the service industry.
this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2023
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Asklemmy
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lack of curiosity
That's a big one. Also lack of hobbies or passions.
That's a sign of depression.
To be fair, I'd understand if someone don't want to be close friends with someone with depression. In my worst days (depression and other stuff on top of it), I don't want to be in the company of anyone either. It would be very taxing to someone wanting to be close friends with me, so yeah, I'd understand why they'd just opt out of it and stay away.
That's fair, hurtful but fair. I've found that I tend to become frustrated or ashamed due to my lack of ability to help. Certainly completely blaming oneself isn't ideal, and yet the personal investment gets me all sentimental :/
I'll reach out and invite them and try to have talks in depth, there's only so much one can do given the circumstances and I operate in the grey area of 'not knowing where' to justify the extent of my involvement. This isn't well received by others, rightfully so, and though they'll admit I mean well how amenable is someone to someone else who they've known only for a bit to their excessive interest in themselves? I try to focus on providing bits of information as that is closer to being evidence-based rather than rhetoric to persuade them but it doesn't seem to work and I'm a bit clueless on how to continue. Working with orgs makes it much easier, I don't like the depersonalized approach and would like to find some way to incorporate it.
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This is exactly what tanked a potential relationship for me a few years ago.
Being "vetted" by them...
Maybe you don't like the wording, but everyone does this. Unless you know if someone will be a close friend the moment you lay eyes on them, or are friends with literally everyone you've spent time with.
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For real this seems like a major red flag.
Do people really do that? I just kind of meet people and whatever happens happens.
Right?
That they vetted me
- Belief in nonsense, such as astrology
- Celebrity worship
- Excessive social media usage, especially Twitter
you're on lemmy
What about excessive lemmy usage?
That would be really weird. Thereβs not enough content for excessive Lemmy usage.
If they are cheap/stingy but when someone else is paying they get the more expensive things. If someone is consistently frugal in all situations I don't mind.
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- Serious belief in pseudosciences
- Conspiracy theorist
- Right-wing ideology
- Sex prude
Someone who identifies very closely with hustle & grind culture. Someone who claims a personal brand. Someone who kisses up and kicks down.
Who are these people who have so many choices in friends that they can afford to vet them?
Its not so much having friends to vet them.
its meeting new people that seem, for all intents and purposes, cool and mellow people.
Then you make the mistake of sending them an off-platform friend request and are quickly brought to realization that the only thing keeping them cool and mellow was the platforms rules and reporting.
I got duped like that once in a game, Kept running into eachother and playing together, so sent them an out of game friend request.. Immediately received a massive tirade about what they really thought about trans people, and gays, and other various topics. 100% unprompted, and out of the blue 0-100 in .00237 second.
The only reason I didnt immediately block them was because I was too stupified and took me a solid minute to gather myself. Ended up having to block them in game, too.. Which I think resulted in them being banned, since they sent me a huge message in game about i must be one of those liberal trans homosexuals since i blocked him after his "truth" or whatever bullshit. Reported his ass, and never saw him again.
Crazy is super good at concealing itself, until it thinks you are a compatriot.
Inability to follow instructions. Lack of problem solving skills. No common sense.
Refusing to participate in a civil discussion, but instead resorting to ad hominem (attacking the person not the argument) or refusing to consider the other sides argument. If they do this any minor dispute will escalate to a flame war.
You probably got machine-corrected, that's ad hominem. But yes, not being able to handle an argument healthily is a big handicap in life
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If they treat service workers poorly, that's already a red flag for me. Even if the service is disappointing somehow, being an asshole to them is still a red flag to me.
How they treat people who disagree with them politically. If they immediately hate/cut off people for political disagreements, we're not going to be friends any deeper than surface level.
What if they hate/cut off fascists though?
I know a lot of people who are close friends with BJP fans and I always thought that was fucking weird
What if they call anyone who disagrees with their ideology a fascist? Then they're just a bully.
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Depends on the disagreement... if the topic under discussion is as inflammatory as abortion or trans rights, I'm sure you can understand why some folks can't agree to disagree.
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Unimpactful trait? I'd say if they put the toilet paper the wrong way, if you have to ask which way is the right way we can't be friends. Also if they don't return the shopping cart, instant way for me to lose respect for you.
Oddly enough your rigity on this is why we could not be friends.
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Listens to pop music
I'd go with people who refuse to admit to listening to pop music and/or center their entire personality around a music genre. I like jazz, I like classical and more, but I find the weird superiority complex specifically punk/rock/metal listeners have towards pop music very, very and I mean VERY cringe. This said, fuck Swifties, the woman alone is murdering the planet with how much she flies for no apparent reason.
Yeah, you gotta be more than a single thread carpet.
Same for any pop media. Some is fine, but if they think every current trending show or movies is "the best" than I know they don't have a system of standard.
Almost forgot this place is filled with redditors
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