ADHD

I was able to control my focus with ease instead of having it yanked away by almost anything, and also got able to control the hyperfocus periods (as in, being able to stop whatever I'm doing to take care of other important needs).

As a side benefit, my mood also got better, during medication effects I feel less anxiety and am less prone to anger.

I've been on it for only two weeks.

Everything. Everything was surprising. It's not just the motivation, it's emotional complacency that's gone too. My doormat instincts are gone, I can politely engage with problems instead of avoiding them. I do the things that I want to do.

On Saturday I did yardwork, took my youngest kid out for a run, then to the beach with our dog where tiny sunfish nipped at our legs, then rock climbing (she's training for a team), then I made dinner from scratch, and then we went to a local free festival for bazaar shopping and a reggae concert with her big brother. It was amazing.

I'm in my 40s and I'm retroactively angry about my life.

When I first started my meds, the level I could focus improved immensely, to the point my boss took me aside and praised it and said he was happy our talk helped.....I told him nah, it's meds....

I can catch myself drifting. I can tell myself, no, get the trash out first then do that other thing. Doesn’t mean I don’t slip up but it helps a lot. Also I had a metallic taste in the mouth for the first week (I’m told it’s normal)

I lost like 30 pounds in like 6 months, LOL! There's a reason why ADHD medications used to be a common (if dangerous--for non-ADHD people) weight loss treatment.

I can actually verbally articulate things and not meander. Much better focus and thoughts. The only trouble I have is breaking that focus sometimes. I’ll get into a groove and completely lose track of time.

The negative: not to be too self-deprecating, but… just how annoying I can be to others (both my ex- and current partners vastly prefer it when I’m on meds). Being impulsive, having difficulty picking up on social cues, and being blunt (yay autism) is a volatile mix and I truly wonder how many friendships it’s wrecked

The neutral: the autism comes out in force, but mostly in a good way. I live and die by (self-directed) routines and having an analytical personality helps in nudging myself to do the right thing (e.g., it’s easier to stop procrastinating if I think about all of the possible consequences of continuing to procrastinate)

The good: with the right systems in place and in the right job, I actually can do well in a full-time job

• I don’t feel overwhelmed like I used to. Even if I have an overwhelming number of things to do, I can prioritize a couple of things and ignore the rest. It’s not like I don’t care, but things don’t feel insurmountable
• I’m not an emotional powder keg when Im on meds. I feel I can actually manage my emotions and process criticism like a normal person. If someone is being an asshole to me, I don’t feel like I have a strong urge to respond and I can just ignore them and go about my day
• I don’t have increased focus, but I have more energy that I can spend on focus. This was what surprised me. I thought I would have better focus automatically, and maybe Im not on the right meds, but I still have to put the effort in. The difference is when Im not on meds, my tank feels empty. Even if I want to do the thing or try to focus, it takes so much out of me. At the end of the day when I would get home, I would just sit on the couch and I would be extremely mentally exhausted. I couldn’t even follow a tv show or movie. I would just watch random youtube videos or just sit there like a vegetable. It would take me all weekend of sleeping and doing nothing to recover enough to have the mental energy to face the week. Needless to say, it made making time to spend with friends very difficult and not to mention just normal daily life things. On meds, I get home, I feel like a normal person and my brain doesn’t feel burnt out. I didn’t know what normal was until now
• I was surprised it made my anxiety go away in groups. I can give briefings to a group of people with very little problem. I’m engaged in meetings and will ask questions. Sometimes I think I may be annoying, but on meds I’m like “their fucking problem, I’m doing my thing.” I didn’t used to be as horrible at group interactions, but the last couple of years, things just really went downhill. I think a combination of a bad manager constantly berating me for every little thing, so I ended up internalizing a lot of it (looking back, I hate her for making me feel this way and others in my office), and reaching a point of burn out with my ADHD. The best way I can describe how I feel on meds is normal
• I wish it would fix my sleep, but alas, if anything it has made it a bit worse, so that is a work in progress

A couple things...

• Figuring out meditation is real and doing a 180 on my opinion of it.
• Staying away from nicotine is 100% easier. (I tried to quit before and failed)
• [REDACTED] is up by 200%

1. I can get overstimulated now ._. I don't know if it's just a me thing, but my partner took me out to the shops while my medication was in effect and I reached a point where the colours and varieties suddenly was too much, and we had to step out while I tried to recover. It was a totally new experience since I guess normal ADHD brain discards irrelevant (and sometimes relevant) information quickly like nobody's business, but medicated brain doesn't do that as much.

2. Staying awake when I'm bored. I was working in companies with long ass meetings for 3 years before I got diagnosed and I've been falling asleep in classes for even longer. I've slapped myself, pinched, drank water, washed my face, and all it took was medication for that uncontrollable exhaustion to...disappear. No more shame for something that I've been completely unable to help. It's a massive change.

The only medication I was given for anything when they diagnosed me with ADHD was Prozac. For depression. Which didn't help with the depression, but it did make me unable to get an erection.

I expressed the lack of help and that I thought it might be better to treat the ADHD and BPD they diagnosed me with, since those are what affects my life negatively and lead to being depressed, but the doc didn't want to listen. I want a new doctor but I have limited options due to my insurance.

I was surprised by the number of side effects I had initially. They seem to have gotten better, but I'm only on day 4 of taking them (Vyvanse).

First day I knew when they kicked in. It was like suddenly wearing blinders for a horse. Everything was in focus.

Then I had heart palpitations, would randomly feel jittery, hot and cold flashes, and had ED symptoms. Now that I'm on my 4th day, I think I've gotten used to the drug because all of the symptoms except feeling cold the last few hours before it wears off are pretty much gone.

I sort of expected to be more focused than I am on the drug and it would be something like the stereotypical ADHD "dead emotions and hyper focus" but it's just a subtle "ability to do things without distraction a bit easier".