this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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The other day Marcus told me that there are Christians gathering at Titus' house at night - apparently these godless deviants are having incestuous orgies. What's next, child sacrifice? Cannibalism? Caesar really needs to put them in their place before they get out of hand.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 5 months ago

Unleash the lions

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Write a letter to your governor - when it happened in my province, he arrived post haste to set them straight. Some of the so-called Christians repudiated their false god, and the rest were imprisoned, and since then, all but three of them have also repudiated him. Those three speak of being ‘martyrs’, but the families of the rest are incredibly grateful to the governor for making them see sense, and have organised a sacrifice and a feast in celebration!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

There's a lot of Hellenes in the area who are aligned with them and they keep talking about "oily Josh and his 12 bottom homies."

Absolutely gross. Real Roman men don't receive love. They stick it right into the arse, the way the gods intended.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

As if us Bacchus-worshipping, circular-family-tree-pantheon Romans have any right to criticize! Let them call Iupiter what they will and carry on with their strange practices. The mighty religion of Rome will surely outlast this puny upstart cult!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

This is a cult of women and servants. They prey upon the unfortunate and promise rewards, but only after death.

Marginally increase the support to your client network such that no plebeian feels desperate enough to join them. Or, simply wait. The cult will die out like many others have.

[–] lemmy_nightmare 2 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Buy them a nice summer cottage in Pompeii and don't go visit.