Be direct in communication when needed, otherwise just don't.
this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2024
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Thanks yea being direct is important for sure.
Do they dislike me for no good reason? If yes: fuck them, I’m awesome!
Do they dislike me because I did something dumb? Let’s talk and let me appologise if I cocked something up for you. My intentions are rarely malicius.
This let’s me live a happy life knowing I didn’t ruin anyone’s day and ignore the rest.
Agreed.
Because of my kind nature it isn't very often that people dislike me or have a problem with me.
When they do it's always the same story for 99% of other people. So they just don't get along with anyone. Can't people please them all...
Have you considered that you're a people pleaser? Being kind and nice is good, but do you do that in detriment of yourself? Can you say no to favors?
A somewhat cheesy quote that helped me a lot is "you can be the juiciest, ripest peach in the world, but some people just don't like peaches". I used to try way too hard to be likeable and I agonised over people who didn't like me.
There was an instance of a colleague being rude and unprofessional to me, and under the framework of "they don't like me and that's why they're being unkind", it put the onus on me to change, which wasn't reasonable. It should be possible for people to not like each other in a working relationship while still being respectful and productive.
Kill them with kindness. Be direct and to the point, but make them hate you more because you're too nice. That way, if they want to talk shit about you, all they can say is that you're too nice.
As someone else mentioned, if you screwed up, make amends, then the kindness thing.
Avoid them when you can. Clear, minimal, a bit more polite than you would like to be when you can't. If it's work related focus on your common goal.
I'd also advise you to take some time to reflect on what makes them dislike you. If you find a lot of people who dislike you for similar reasons you may have to evaluate if you should (and can) change.
Don't.
Agree. Don't let them make it about them.
At work, it can be difficult, specially if it's someone you have to work with.
The adult way is to have a talk about it and figure out what's causing the issue.
The childish way is to talk shit about the person with others and gather support for you being right and the other person being a weirdo.
Most people go with the childish way since it's easier and doesn't require courage.
For some people, it's not really an solvable issue and no amount of talking about it will make them like you. Some people are just assholes for various reasons, and it's best to just minimally interact with them as opposed to trying to understand them. Courage doesn't necessarily play a factor. Idk, just my 2 cents.
Obviously not the case for everyone, but I've been there before in the trying to reach an understanding route, and it doesn't necessarily work. Some people are just a bit unhinged and it's best to minimally interact.
Yeah I don't think what I said applies to 100% of the working population. :) I have one guy at work that I'm also avoiding contact with. He is a sociopath according to all the classic signs. So some common sense is always needed.
Yeesh, good luck, man.
Worrying about what others think will keep you from having bliss.
Save your farts for when they're close by.
But seriously...
Romans 12:20 NIV “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
I don't think that means you will harm them, but that you will cause them to bake in their own anger.
You can't make people like you, but you have a right to demand respect.
I worked a job where I shared a space with another worker. They worked the shift ahead of me. Because I was brand new they thought it would be fun to leave the area a mess. I took all the garbage and put it in their company mailbox. I told them that if they left their personal stuff out I'd be nice and return it to them.
They eventually got the idea.
Any tips on dealing with people that don't like you?
I would normally order my goons to deal with them.
Sure thing, boss, working on it
If you have to interact with them, make it as minimal as possible. Otherwise just blank them out; ignore them, don’t look at them, don’t talk to them, don’t notice them.
Stop caring. There is nobody you could be that will please everybody, and if there was...there'd be nothing of you left as you morphed to fit the situation and company around you. Just be yourself and ignore their passive aggressive BS or avoid if possible.
(yes, it is that simple but still harder than it sounds. Ask yourself "Do I need to give a shit about this?" and the answer will usually be no.)
Minimize interactions, stay professional, be polite.
Gray rocking all day, everyday.
Came in here because curious, and now I learned something new and helpful! Glad I looked it up.
They don’t have to like you and it’s okay that they don’t. Don’t take it personally. Unless of course you’re an asshole.
At work? Tell them „I know you don’t like me, I don’t like you either, but let’s just be professional here and then go on with our lives“
That would be my plan B. Plan A would be turn up my politeness and niceness knobs up for a little while. Maybe they're going through a rough time and it's temporary. After a sufficient amount of time to ensure it's not an anomaly, then go for the direct conversation. It usually pays off to give the other person the benefit of the doubt for a little bit, but not forever. It stopped me from being so reactive.
I don't mean to be flippant, but do do you know they don't like you, or do they just not care about you. It's both a liberating and disheartening day when you discover no one gives a shit about you.
Just to not underestimate anything they do when it comes to impact.
Borrow something from then. Then, when you return it, be very grateful, and maybe give a bottle or chocolates or say you owe them one.
After that they will be nicer to you.
You might want to scale that down a little bit. I never borrowed somebody's tape gun for a minute at work and thought, what a nice coworker I should send him flowers.
Indeed. I should have said "borrow something important". It needs to be something they care about, or something they know you care a lot about. How you say thanks are examples.
Why would a person who doesn’t like you want to lend you something that they care about?
It is the Benjamin Franklin effort. Google it for a better explanation than my own.
Empathy
Don't spend time with them unless you have to.
Kick their ass, is the most effective way.
Haters gonna hate. It probably comes from a sense of jealousy or low self-esteem. Don't let those people get to you. Don't give them a single moment of your brain power. If you do, they win.