Melbourne

Well after 12 years and a child, I am now no longer in a relationship. It is a weird, sad, haunting feeling but in a weird way kind of relieving that I know what is going on after so much uncertainty. We've agreed to split everything 50/50 and want the best for all of us involved. So that's good.

But I am shit scared of being on my own. I basically went from living with my parents to living with her so I've never been on my own. I'm thinking up all these things and I see horror stories about renting or trying to buy and wondering if I earn enough. I already know I have to sacrifice things which is fine, I could do without them, but it's still a scary future.

2023 truly sucks balls.

Today is looking to be a great day. I am not working. Weather is mostly sunny and 17. It's pay day. New content is released for both my gardening and housing subjects today. And tomorrow is the installation of the split system. No Mondayitis in this household 🙂

9am appointment.
1:30pm appointment. A duck ton of money spent during these two.
Possible admin task in the afternoon.
Emotional support for friend in the evening.

I should get up.

Sitting on a bench near a bus stop some guy sits a bit too close to me. Starts asking general questions. Then asks me if I know about Jesus. Told him I know Jesus didn't harass women at bus stops. Asks me what I was reading. It was a book by Albert Schweitzer. He told me to burn it. Told him to stop harassing me and I just got up and walked away.

Absolute lunatic.

CW: Diet culture + medication

One of the things I hate about diet culture (amongst everything) is how there's medication and people go "oh you can also lose weight!". Like... it feels so gross. I was listening to my news thing with Google and I was listening to CNN and they were talking about Ozempic, and how America advertises medication on TV they played one of their ads and it's like "this is for people with diabetes, but it can also help you lose weight!" and it's like so gross. I feel like people with diabetes is trying to just survive the day and not worry about losing weight.

Similar to when I had my psychiatrist appointment to start taking Ritalin, and my psych is like "it's great for adults because you can lose weight, usually for kids we have to watch them just in case, but for adults it's great." And I'm like sitting there, a fat person, just like... ugh. Felt so gross. Like, I just want to be able to make it through the day and get my tasks done, and not procrastinate, I don't care if it makes me lose weight.

So my home town Mordialloc is in the news today following the 30-year sentence handed down to a 73 year-old who murdered two of his neighbours over a trivial garden hose incident 18 months ago. I walk past the scene every day and wondered why there was a TV crew setting up outside this afternoon.

My rule #1022. If you can't park properly don't drive big cars.

2 days just isnt enough of a break.

Well shit. I just called to make a doctors appointment only to be told that the doc I've seen for the last 13 years has retired. Feels like a relationship break-up in some ways, he knew everything about my ailments and mental health, he was easy to talk to. Now I have to start all over again with a stranger :(

I am SICK to freaking death of learning things from overhearing my wife on the phone! Is this a common thing or a just us issue?

Should not have let myself fall asleep at 8.30, it's far to early to awake right now.

My dinner

Image of mashed potato, corn on the cob, garlic sauteed spinach, steak with a runny egg on top.

We had a real life Marge the rains are 'ere moment when the juices from my corn travelled across the table and aimed for the man's face. I burst out laughing so hard that some came out of my mouth. Then we all laughed while he wiped his face.

I got to pet a greyhound today <3 I love those kooky noodles so much! I definitely want a greyhound as my next doggo.

Hate that feeling of finally feeling you can kick back after a shitty day and get ready for a 7am start one hour away tomorrow... Only to realise you're out of cooked rice and now you have to wait. Hangry.

i went to the GP, got two cavities filled at the dentist, and joined a gym today

Hey guys. All this talk about canned fish lately has prompted me find this recipe for yous.

MACKEREL KEDGEREE

1 tbsp olive oil
1 finely chopped onion
2 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp curry powder
1 cup brown rice cooked
100g peas
4 naturally smoked mackerel fillets
2 hard boiled eggs

In a large frying pan heat the oil and fry onions. Add the spices and fry for a couple of minutes. Add the rice, peas and fish. Cook over a low heat stirring continuously. Serve with the eggs.

Now I've cooked this heaps of times with white rice, microwave rice even potatoes. With canned and fresh fish as well. Don't worry about exact quantities. Add your favourite fish and vegetables. Leave things out if you want. A quick and easy meal and it's delicious.

Here's a pic

Image of Mackerel kedgeree of a cookbook.

The weather forecast promised mostly sunny. Why do I have cloudy and grey? I want my promised sunshine, or I'm demanding my money back.

Day 5 completed. I can see changes now, I'm a lot less portly of girth than before I started. I wish I'd taken a waist measurement before I started this but at least I can see the difference. This morning an unfamiliar sound followed me around the house after I dressed for work. It was the sound of the back of my work pants hems scraping the floor as I walked. I must be losing some booty 🤔

Bonus picture of a polymer clay key tag I made to remind me to take a bottle of water with me when I go out. My kids love this stuff and the Miniest Peeler especially likes making mini replica burgers, subs and mini bacon and egg breakfasts, but I don't usually make anything except beads.

Picture of slightly wonky light blue drip shape made from oven bake clay with H2O on it in red and a hole in the top, held by a work worn hand (I really should do something about that).

Bill Cat is going to be happy, I ordered 8 tins of kangaroo meatballs in gravy. 😻🦘

Omg woke up absolutely cooking!

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Every time I re-watch Star Trek: Voyager, I'm struck by how brilliant Captain Janeway is.

i want to sing along to Robbie Williams’ Angel at the supermarket.

One thing is guaranteed in Melbourne: No matter the season you will cook on metro trains.

I have a blowfly buzzing around my lounge room. I swear there is some sort of secret portal in this house, visible only to flies. Even with everything closed up they seem to find a way in. I have actually removed all the flywire screens in the house, because the flies get inside regardless, and without screens at least some of them find their way out again.

Hope everyone has got their summer doonas out it's going to be pretty warm tonight.

Nice quick Marketplace sale this morning - sold in about an hour! My old computer monitor is now off for an exciting new career in security.

Few hours sleep, few hours thinking
Few hours laying awake and wishing
For dreams to come
But only nightmares came
Some wishes came true
But the past remains
Few hours waking, few hours hating
Few hours left so I'll keep on waiting
For the dreams to come

I am stupid and needy. Too strong, too weak. Never right, always wrong. I cannot keep friends, lost a bunch with my ex, when I broke up with ex, when I changed jobs, when I lost my job. I'm so dumb to ever think I could be anyones mate. I am so so dumb. I'm alone because I am damaged goods, and don't know how to exist anymore. I think I try, but I just make others feel weird and uncomfortable.

Too self-deprecating, too full of self-loathing, with no self-esteem. And here I am making it all about me again. I try to be kind and giving and thoughtful, but I'm just a cunt and they all know it.

I should have been fucking aborted, this life of mine is hell. This brain is broken. This brain is being a stupid cunt on here and everywhere. I hate the space I take up in the universe.

Done.

wish i would implode into nothing, disobeying the laws of conservation

Everyone else's dinner looks better than mine but I CBF

Casarecchia with bolognaise in a bowl with 2 partly eaten burnt (I like then done to the point of near cremation) sausages on the side.

Forgot to mention I had to buy myself some new workboots tonight because the sole came off the crappy sneakers I've been using as a work shoe. On the way home a car hit our bus. It was just a ding but further delayed me getting home. Got home and Mr Peeler had cleaned the kitchen and lounge a bit (yay!) but I still had to cook (boo!).

It's a nice day, might go for a walk. 😊

Compiling a list of relatively healthy foods that can be consumed "on the go" (ie. doesn't require refrigeration or microwaving). So far I've got fruits, nuts, canned fish, museli bars. Anything else?