No Stupid Questions

Yeah I absolutely relate to this, but challenging people yo be objective and showing them a new perspective* that is outside of the norm is not gaslighting. Asking someone to question their behavior is not gaslighting. Especially when you are here applying the same reasoning to yourself.

Gaslighting is intentionally making somebody question their perceivable reality with the intent to manipulate for your own gain. I don't think this applies to philosophical questions of morality unless you are contradicting and forcing your beliefs on them through some type of moral absolutism. I also don't think it applies if you convince someone the closed down shop was a hot dog stand and it was actually a Burger stand so long as you were honestly mistaken. If you keep them in the dark intentionally after learning the truth that would probably be though.

It is possible also that your definition of truth is too broad and you need to interject some self doubt, since we've all been wrong before, and maybe in that invitation to discuss both possibilities your approach will be refined.

In line with what others here are saying, I have the same thoughts as you and i got diagnosed with ADHD late, the psychiatrist mentioned I fit multiple criteria for ASD but that ADHD correctly captures most symptoms so we go with that. If possible taking assessments and talking to a profrssional should help cut down on these instances where you assume the worst of yourself.

No, mainly because even when I try to manipulate people, I usually don't succeed.

No. I crit fail on every charisma check. Besides I have dealt with people who have conditions in the dark triad and nothing I do is like that.

Just remember not giving a shit isn't a superpower. For every millionaire that is a sociopath you see there are hundreds of ones you don't see divorced and poor. It is observation bias and no one cares about the boring ones.

as someone who contemplates my seemingly sociopathic demeanor in general. This is something i think about quite a bit from time to time.

Personally, i've sort of disassociated from myself and other people in regards to a lot of socialization. In order to explicitly prevent manipulative tendencies from cropping up. Generally i refer to it as giving other people explicit free will in my interactions. That tends to be through pretty vague non descript statements. Though you have to be careful to still say things that you stand behind as well. It's kind of a thing.

A lot of people would say that's not the correct thing to do. But it is what i do. It makes me feel better about interacting with other people. Also it's sort of a performance art type of thing for me, i can leverage it pretty weirdly to engage in some interesting interactions.

You should sit down with them and talk to them about it, in a mostly one sided manner (you're trying to see how they feel, not convince them of anything) and also bring up your thoughts about yourself. Gauge where they are, see if they have any similar thoughts on their end that are tangential to yours (do they feel like they easily get gaslit, or that they aren't keen on interacting with very "forward" (for lack of a better word) people. It'll give you a perspective into them, and them a perspective into you.

No, I don't have people around me anymore.

Some nights I lie awake rewriting the game dialogue options in my head so I can say what I gotta say without making NPCs sad.

So... no.

No, brcause I'm a total doormat who always caters to everyone else's needs before my own. Which is the opposite of a narcissist. I wish I could be. It seems more liberating than what I'm doing now.

Then again, what little self esteem I have is predicated on being able to cater to other people's needs - even my job is customer support.

I'd flip to being a user in a heartbeat if only I could.

I have these thoughts myself and I find what you describe seem to apply to me as well. I’ve been trying to follow the saying of. Speak only when it’s true, kind, and necessary.

It’s not easy. I fail often.

I used to. I mean, I still do, but I used to, too and the way I think about it now is just different. Went to a doctor because of it.

Turns out it was just a combination of ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder. Maybe autism (but they wanted a specialist to handle that and I haven't done it yet).

this includes things like not lying,

Then stay quiet, if what you have to say is only negative. A white lie is OK to not make people sad or offend them if it's matters of little importance. There's this thing called being polite. And that includes for instance saying dinner is nice when it isn't.

I'm guessing you are a bit autistic, i can absolutely relate to what you say, and the above took me decades to learn, and I'm still struggling with it.

Well, if I am, I'm really bad at it.

I can't convince a mouse to eat cheese.

Personality disorder characterized by persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and bold, disinhibited, and egotistical traits Wikipedia

Seems you’re not since in this post you show empathy, remorse, and examining your flaws is anti-egotistical. Though you may think of not conforming to social norms as antisocial behavior, many people do this and put on a “public” facade.

Though, being “honest to a fault” is a little antisocial depending on how far you take that. Is it just “I never give a lie to a direct question.” Or: Do you always correct people who you know told a lie? Do you interject in stories where a lie has been told? Do you tell people unsolicited truths that are hurtful? Some would consider the latter list of behaviors to be antisocial.

It’s good to self-evaluate. I know I have some manipulative habits, I definitely lie too easily, sometimes without remorse, but I don’t fit a majority of the markers: I feel immense remorse at certain things, I’m not arrogant, I’m genuinely helpful, not just manipulatively so, etc. I would consider talking more in dept with your friends that want to cut ties or express frustration and hear out their concerns. We all have areas for self improvement, so don’t just yourself too harshly. Maybe as another commenter suggested, go to therapy and see what you can uncover.

The fact you are even asking this makes me think you’re not a psychopath or sociopath.

A (psycho/socio)path would probably not be introspective at that accusation. They would probably just dismiss it or be angry that someone could even think that about them.

I am not a therapist or licensed to diagnose someone and no professional would/could ever diagnose someone without meeting them and interacting.

I would strongly suggest seeking out a therapist. I am a huge proponent of therapy for everyone - everyone needs an impartial party to talk to about things, even when things are going well.

Psychopaths don't unknowingly manipulate.