this post was submitted on 02 Mar 2024
651 points (96.6% liked)

Programmer Humor

18969 readers
730 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 36 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 74 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Turned into a skeleton in 10 minutes

[–] [email protected] 56 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

Yeah, also each query request was a human beeing. Such an unrealistic comic.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

🏳️‍⚧️

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Also rings don't make you invisible.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 5 months ago

Not to mention, mysql is a database management framework, while in the comic it's a food stand! Absurd!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Not queries, programs. They have pid

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Shoot, you are ~~right~~ wrong. They are processes.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Ah FUCK- mind said process, fingers typed program. But most of the time they are equivalent

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

The thing is, at first I actually, responded with "you are right". See, humans make errors. Also, this isn't a competence competition. (At least I hope so.)

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago

Waiting for a computer causes a temporal bubble to surround the subjects and age them at a rate of x100

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If a query does not take 30 min does it even exist?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The waiting is how you know its giving you correct answers.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Exactly lol. If it's instant you know you fucked up

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

ca. 150'000'000'0000 CPU cycles.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

Got sigkill-ed. But of course, this doesn't cancel the request

[–] [email protected] 37 points 5 months ago (5 children)

8 JOINS???? ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE

[–] [email protected] 29 points 5 months ago

You guys are only using 8 joins?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago

No, they are using an ORM.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

It’s fine if they’re indexed correctly…

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I worked on an enterprise wide medical record system for seventeen years.

It had 10000 tables in the schema. Our particular setup populated 1500 of them. ( yes I meant tables).

8+plus happened...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

So are you using FHIR yet?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Lol, is funny you ask. I mainly worked on interfaces.

The medical industry makes the banking industry look nimble.

The organization had a couple interfaces using the protocol when I left. But adoption is slow, just about everyone still uses HL7. But it has been a couple years.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

I asked because I've been working in the same field for 10 years, interfaces as well. You can count our FHIR interfaces on one hand, the rest is DICOM, HL7 or proprietary.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

What it feels like to smoke 8 joins

[–] [email protected] 36 points 5 months ago (1 children)

This is fantastic and incredibly well made. Does anyone have the source?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Tried looking. According to one of the users who posted it its by 0x00 whos the person who made floor 796. All things I can find relating to them are floor 796 related though and can't find where this was originally posted

Heres floor 796 though if anyones interested https://floor796.com

[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 months ago (1 children)

If your views aren't nested joins on views on views on views with group bys with wildcard text matching are you even trying to enter hell?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Exactly. I once worked with a junior developer who had constructed a simple reusable view with test coverage. I don't think they were even trying to make a pact with the nether realm. I'm just not sure what SQL is coming to these days.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Absolute amateur

[–] [email protected] 24 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Should have used Postgres...

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

True true...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago

Say it with me everyone, INDICES

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Quick roll back the transaction

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

MongoDB, on the other hand, is web scale.