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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/1dhorsegirl26 on 2024-01-24 02:18:45+00:00.
Tl;dr my roommate (both 26f) moved into our apartment 3 weeks before I could. She decorated it with all Harry Potter and Kpop stuff and doesn’t want to make room for my decorations. She also feeds her cat in the kitchen counter and it smells bad and it grosses me out because her cat uses a litter box. Lastly, she wasn’t approved for a payment plan to get a paralegal certification. She said “I’ll just have you pay for it and I’ll pay you back.” I am not going to give her money. I feel like she is trying to walk all over me. How soon is too soon to ask her to work with me on decorating and to feed her cat in the bathroom? I’ve only been here 4 days so should I wait a few weeks?
I (26f) moved in with a childhood friend (26f) that I reconnected with last year. We were both living in our hometowns again but decided to move to a larger city a few hours away. She moved in 3 weeks before I did because she works remote and we signed the lease while I was still interviewing. I moved in over the weekend. I feel like she’s trying to walk all over me. I am trying to not be such a people pleaser and doormat but I don’t know how to approach it. While my roommate is mostly chill, I know she can be difficult sometimes and I’m not sure if she is a compromiser.
She already decorated a lot of the common area, which I understand, I wouldn’t want to live in an empty apartment for weeks. However, she doesn’t seem to want any of my decorations to go up. She is a big Harry Potter and Kpop fan and wants to entire apartment to be HP and kpop themed.
The apartment has beautiful built in shelves and a fireplace mantle. She took up all the shelves with her books, most of which are the same series in different jackets. When I brought my books out and asked if I could move some of hers she said I could have 1 shelf out of 5. She also decorated the mantle with Harry Potter memorabilia, including the book series, dvds, and figurines. The tv stand is also filled with HP books, HP funkopops, and kpop books and albums.
My roommate also has a cat. So far she doesn’t seem too messy and I really like cats. However her cat eats on the kitchen counter. I got a bit queasy cooking dinner because she fed her cat wet food and it smelled up the very small kitchen. I am also grossed out with having a cat on the kitchen counter since she uses a litter box.
The last thing, my roommate is going to get her paralegal certificate soon and is looking at the class. She doesn’t make very much now and can make a lot more as a paralegal. However she has such high student loan debt from grad school that she wasn’t approved for a payment plan. The certification costs $2000 and her parents won’t help her pay for it. We were talking about it last night and she said point blank “I’ll just have you pay it and I’ll pay you back each month.” I didn’t say anything because I was so shocked.
My roommate knows I have some money in savings, but it’s only about $4000 because I just had an expensive car repair and I paid off a credit card in full. She also knows I make about $10k more than her a year, but it’s not a lot and after living expenses, savings deposit, and my car and student loan payments. I also don’t want to lend money to a friend and I hope that isn’t selfish to say.
I want to ask my roommate to feed her cat in the bathroom or at least the laundry room. I also want to put some of my decorations up and find ways to decorate that compliments both our styles. It kind of feels like I am just living in someone else’s house.
I have only lived here for 4 days so I don’t know if it’s too soon to start asking her to do this stuff. I figured I’d give her another week or 2 and then ask her to make some changes and work with me so it feels like both our house. Is it too soon to ask to make these changes?