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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Gatntp on 2024-01-24 02:05:59+00:00.
At 16, I met a guy, let's call him A, and felt an inexplicable connection. He was strangely familiar. During that time, my mental health was in a dire state, leading me to end up with another guy, B, who was abusive. Despite the toxicity of my "relationship" with B, A and I shared meaningful moments, making him my best memory from high school.After breaking up with B, I confessed my feelings to A, and he told me that he loved me, making me the happiest. However, our happiness was short-lived as I ghosted him due to a strange feeling... I felt triggered in his presence. Over the years, I battled severe depression, I accepted to reconnect with B, thinking he was the only one who could love the hidden parts of me..Despite being easily liked by men, I feel unlovable as a whole. We broke up and unfortunately, B turned violent and harassed me for years after that. Oddly, B's actions pulled me out of my passive depressed state. As I gained clarity and self-kindness, I realized I had ghosted A because I believed he was too good for me. I was and still is insecure. During this time, I occasionally thought fondly of A. By the time I remembered everything about him, it was too late, leading me to move on and enter another relationship after three years of being single. Last year, I apologized to A via text, explaining my insecurities at the time. He forgave me, sharing that he felt a strange and unique feeling, as if we had known each other in a previous life. He also revealed he was getting married. I experienced a mix of sadness, acceptance, and genuine happiness for him. Months later, we met after eight years. He told me that I didn't change at all. We had a short conversation.Despite the passage of time, there was still a palpable connection. It has been months, and I think of him every day. It's no longer nostalgia but filled with sorrow and regrets. I fear that my mental health may have robbed me of what was supposed to be the great love of my life. What should I do to move on ? It s possible to do so ?
TL;DR : I lost the one because I was insecure and depressed and realised it too late. I think of him everyday even if I m the one who did the break up.