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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Weekly-Caregiver-827 on 2024-01-24 03:15:47+00:00.
I 24f female have been dating my boyfriend 29m for three years. We started out working together, becoming friends (hanging out for hours 5 days a week), and dating. I won't lie we did rush everything. We worked together and hung out so sleepovers ended up turning into me moving in. Being 100% honest we had been dating for maybe 2 weeks at this point. When we were 3 months into our relationship I got pregnant. I couldn't convince myself to have an abortion. I gave him the option to leave and he didn't. I got extremely sick starting at 5 weeks pregnant and it continued to get worse and worse. He told me to stop working and I did. I know it sounds dumb to add this but my family gave us their car so I could drive him to work so long as I drove everyone else to work as well. I would always get sick in the car.
Anyway I give birth to our child, and I think everything is good. My boyfriend was talking about marriage and everything with me. Well on our child's first birthday I found 6,000 messages of him cheating on me with a male coworker. It had been going on since 3 months after I gave birth. To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. We decided to give it another shot.
Well now we are almost a year past me finding out and things are awful. He blames everything on his depression (when I ask if it's our relationship at all he says no your perfect) He won't talk to me or have sex with me. He's made me feel so ugly. My family has started to say that he isn't who they thought he was. They have no idea he cheated. He continues to say I never look happy either anymore, and uses our sons first birthday photos as his evidence. BUT has pointed out I actually look happy in more recent pictures.
Our three year anniversary is at the end of the week. I asked him if he had anything planned and he said no and didn't care what we did. This hurt a lot. Mainly because on my birthday he fell asleep all night putting our child down for a nap. I literally made My own dinner, lit my own candles, and sang myself happy birthday before smoking three blunts. He promised our anniversary would be better.
I don't know if I should leave because if it is his depression he can get medicated. Before anyone says I'm stupid for staying after being cheated on, I come from a broken family. I didn't want that and don't really want that for my child. I have always told him if he wants to leave I can and will support myself. I would never try to damage his relationship with our child, so he doesn't have to worry about that. Every part of me is saying to stay and see if he gets better, but another part is saying to leave.
If I leave, how do I find childcare, get a car again, it all seems scary. But I will do anything for my son. Please don't be mean to me.
TL;DR! - boyfriend cheated with a male coworker for 6 months. Now is super distant even though we are trying to make it work. How can I help strengthen this relationship? Or is it unhealthy to even keep trying?