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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/FieldOfGold on 2024-01-19 08:36:54+00:00.
Original:
I got some sleep, and now I feel a lot more clear-headed about things. There's been a lot of replies, which I'm thankful for, and I can see now that I was kinda making things about myself. And also that I'd failed to ask how she'd felt. I also got a couple of missed calls from Dave, which I ignored and blocked that number too.
The first thing I did after waking up was send a follow up text to my girlfriend. I said I hoped she was doing okay, and that I didn't blame her at all for what Dave did. To my surprise, my girlfriend called me back a couple of hours later and we talked for while. This is my general recollection of the conversation, since I wrote everything down afterward to think about it.
- Firstly, I apologized for blowing up at her, and reinterated that I had never blamed her for Dave kissing her. I asked her how she was feeling now. She said she was feeling okay, but she hadn't had a lot of time to process anything, since she'd been asleep for a long time. She said that yesterday had been a pretty wild day, which I agreed with.
- She asked me how I was feeling. I didn't want to go into it too much, but I said I was pretty broken up by everything. Mostly because how out of the blue this happened. She said that was reasonable, and that it had been a surprise for her too.
- I was avoiding bringing it up, but she apologised to me for lying. She said it was a knee-jerk reaction, and that she hadn't expected that Dave would have ever told me himself. She said she'd been planning to tell me when she felt ready.
- She explained a bit about what happened. According to her, she and Dave had been talking about our relationship, and then Dave told her that he was in love with her. She was surprised and asked what he meant. He responded by "sort of" kissing her, but stopped immediately when she didn't reciprocate. After that, they talked about his feelings for her for about half an hour, and then decided not to see the movie together. She said that Dave then invited her to come back to his place to talk more, but she said that he wasn't trying to sleep with her. I don't know if I believe that part, not because of her, but because of Dave. She then dropped Dave off at the train station and drove over to Sarah's place. A lot of this seems to match what Sarah told me earlier.
- She asked if I'd blocked Dave's number. I said I had, and that he'd tried to contact me again. She said that made sense. In hindsight, I wish I'd asked her more on this part, but we moved on pretty quickly. She asked me how hard it would be for me to forgive Dave. I told her pretty bluntly that I wasn't going to forgive him ever. He totally betrayed my trust as a friend, and I could never trust him around anyone I knew ever again, even if I wanted to forgive him. She said that was a shame, because we'd been friends for so long, but she understood. She also said that Dave was pretty broken up afterward by the whole situation as well, but I told her that I don't care about how Dave feels about this at all.
- I wanted to ask her more about what she meant by 'accidently leading him on', but I couldn't think of a way to do it without sounding accusatory. That being said, I think that what some people here were saying about her feeling guilty and feeling like it was somehow her fault are probably right.
- We agreed to keep this whole thing to ourselves at the moment. Neither of us want our friends getting involved in this (barring Sarah, which I'm okay with). I don't think our friend group is going to survive this, though.
- I asked her if she still wanted to take a break from our relationship, and if it was because of how I reacted. She said it wasn't, but she needed to "press pause" to process things, probably about a week or so. I understood the idea of her staying at Sarah's to process, but I asked if that time apart had to come in the form of taking a break, because I didn't really understand that part. She just sort of reinterated that she needed time to herself. I decided not to press her about it. I said it was fine to have some time to herself, but that I didn't agree to taking a break. She said that was okay, and that we could talk more soon. She sounded kinda upset by then, so I said goodbye and she hung up.
That was about the whole conversation, from what I can recall. It wasn't super long, but it did answer a few questions. I do feel a lot better now that I've spoken with her, but the whole 'asking for a break' thing still leaves me feeling uncomfortable.
As of right now, I don't know if we're going to get back together or not. As much as I hate to say it, I have a nasty feeling that it's not going to work out in my favour.
TLDR: I spoke to my girlfriend and cleared a few things up, but things are still weird and confusing.