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The original was posted on /r/getmotivated by /u/Nade4Jumper on 2024-01-14 14:27:26+00:00.
tl;dr: Read "The Drama of the Gifted Child" its a great book. Also mourn over the past
It always felt weird to me how people are always making memes about being a gifted child and failing, how people like doctor k are talking about that and how the entire symptoms are all very simillar yet I don't see any books really diving into the subject. And I never really connected to the entire "Motivation" part of most self help book. Like making a scheduale is cool and all but a scheduale doesn't solve your problem, and even if you do follow the scheduale (for me) it takes way too much willpower and it doesn't even guarantee I wont break down while trying to study.
But then a friend reccomended me "The drama of the gifted child" which resonated deeply with me. 2 things about the book though,
- The book is Psychoanalysis book, and while it is totally readable to people who never dived into the subject (was the first Psychoanalysis book I read), I did find myself going to google and reading about few concept mentioned in the book (stuff like transference)
- About the gifted in the title from the writer's mouth: "When I used the word 'gifted' in the title, I had in mind neither children who receive high grades in school nor children talented in a special way. I simply meant all of us who have survived an abusive childhood thanks to an ability to adapt even to unspeakable cruelty by becoming numb.... Without this 'gift' offered us by nature, we would not have survived." But merely surviving is not enough.
And while I really reccomend reading the book, for those who want the concept summerized (and please do read it because the book does way better job than me and in more details):
There is some kind of unconscious abuse that happens in our childhood that parents with narcissistic needs try to satisfy by using their children, and children yearning for love from their parents and physically and mentally dependent on them are adapting to those needs causing them problem in the long run. The book is talking about how realizing that and mourning for the lost childhood is the only way to truely get better.
And I can go on and on about how "narcissistic" is painted in the wrong light in the mental health conversation so me using the word here doesn't really do it justice and how abuse doesn't have to mean in that case the extreme connotation that it got but ill just say that those things are adressed in the book and reccomend you read it (for the 3rd time in this post I think)
The book really helped me understand how exactly im feeling, showed me where I am on the journey to feeling mentally better, outlined for me the problem and the general direction of dealing with it.
Personally I started trying to accept the overwhelm feeling that happens when I start studying, even crying if I feel like it (on the past and on how absurd the situation seems now) and sitting with the feeling, which did help me defuse alot of the tension
Anyway you are welcome to ask questions or vent in the comments or in my dm's.