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The original was posted on /r/getmotivated by /u/BonusExperiment on 2023-12-29 03:10:35+00:00.
Hello, I've never posted here and I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask for help.
I'm currently writing my masters thesis and I have roughly 4 weeks left to do it. All of my research is completed and all I have to do is just write the paper itself, which should be roughly 60 pages.
Problem is, I'm very depressed and have absolutely no motivation, and I've already extended my deadline due to medical reasons/extenuating circumstances related to my depression, I won't be able to do that again.I can't tell if writing 60 pages in 4 weeks is feasible, I'm afraid it will be very difficult.
During all of my thesis work I've been procrastinating a lot and I can't get myself to begin writing my paper. The biggest thing preventing me from starting is the feeling of extreme anxiety/dread that overcomes me when I'm confronted with my task. i.e. I will start to write and then see that I'm very slow at it or I'm having a writing block due to not really knowing what to write, and having this feeling of being stuck or progressing too slowly will immediately translate to a very strong anxiety of failing, which will in turn make me panic. Being afraid of "feeling afraid of failing" is what prevents me from starting, if that makes sense.
Internally I have already kind of "given up" and I'm sort of expecting to not pass my thesis because it's not "good enough" anyways, but realistically I think I have good chances of passing if I just jot down those 60 pages and submit them. I don't really care about my final grade, all I want is to just pass and get my degree.
I take meds and go to therapy and I've discussed my current situation with my therapist as well. She has given me tons of advice on this already, she says I need to make sure to balance my work with things that give me relief, i.e. to not neglect my hobbies, but I always have this feeling that I can't afford to spend mental energy on things that balance my work because this energy would be much better invested into my studies, so I just punish myself by doomscrolling social media to distract myself from my extreme anxiety. Using techniques like pomodoro or "work schedules" have also failed, I can never force myself to stick to these and I've given up trying.
I need some urgent advice on how I can flip this mental switch and finally begin writing my pages.