Asklemmy

For me, I do get mad occasionally but I just see that me getting mad doesn't get me anywhere. I just gotta fix the problem.

hmmm...

I think it helps if you play a lot of "immersive" games. and practice disengaging from there.

For example, if you now don't get mad and throw controllers breaking screens, you're now half-way to the real task at hand!

Stress is obviously an enhancer of anger issues, but it can also be a character trait. I’d focus on learning to accept that you have those emotions instead of trying to suppress them.

I don't think I have the emotional range to "get angry" the way most people describe it (as some overcoming urge). It's an alien concept to me. For me, anger is a quiet loosening of my moral obligation towards someone, a re-tallying of social contracts, something done consciously and with purpose.

If I should appear angry, but just "go with the flow" instead, it doesn't mean I'm not angry -- it means I no longer feel the need to be honest with you about my thoughts or feelings. I've found that by and large, people fail to notice the difference.

So if it is any consolation, at least some of us who appear easygoing are actually furious internally.

I know your feeling - though I find it hard to truly lose my temper, I do tend to stress out easily and start venting outloud.

I feel like externalising my stressors is the only way to let them go, even if nobody wants to listen, otherwise I just end up bottling things up.

Get checked for vitamin deficits?

Best I can tell (no personal experience) is that if your life has serious troubles affecting you, small stuff like some mud in the rooms is one of the comparatively more positive elements of your day. Hence the ability to just laugh and move on.

When my depression and adhd where really bad it used to be like that. Do you have any other problems?

That all starts with being able to recognize those emotions in the moment. If you can’t change the past, then why are you putting energy into getting angry over it? In your dog example, you’re going to have to clean it either way so stop to think about what’s more valuable to you - moving forward and learning for next time or using your energy to get angry.

There’s nothing wrong with getting angry. Anger is a useful emotion. Use it to your benefit rather than to your detriment.

I knew a guy like this but it seemed his life could not get worst so nothing at worked bothered him.

Buddhism, meditation, and generally knowing that everything is temporary. Gratitude / "counting your blessings" helps increase general happiness, as it's easy to forget what's going right

You should take a sabbatical or however else a time out.

I would love to be able to go, “well that sucks” and just get over it.

From someone who can still go with then flow even when the flow seems like its from a sewage plant: That's the neat part, I don't get over it. I can either move forward in a way that's best for me, or I can just let myself react without thinking about it, get a hollow sense of catharsis, and put myself in a worse situation where I'm gonna need more than a hollow sense of catharsis.

I cannot recommend mindfulness enough, as already suggested by many others in this thread.

I think, you said you are already in therapy? In this case, I would definitely talk with your therapist about this and things you want to adopt beforehand. If you want a simple concrete tip, you could try the "mindfulness coach" by the US department of veteran affairs. I liked it a lot and the apps from there get good privacy recommendations from mozilla.

I am a bit suprised by the many people recommending to just stop giving fucks. Is this what you really want? Or do you just want avoid the emotions of taking control?

Admittedly I'm usually drunk or high but an overwhelming disposition of "it do be like that" seems to help the bullshit slide off

I feel weird recommending medication but I had the same problem for like 3 years (since my mental breakdown) I got put on new meds about 4 months ago and holy shit have they been life changing. That constant anger isn't there anymore, some times I still have a bad day, but its not ever present annoyed at the world anymore.

Going with the flow is such an important skill that more parents need to put more of a focus in teaching. It's all about making sure that your response is a realistic way of attaining your goal in the situation.

If I'm talking to someone else and trying to help them through a situation like they say, ask them to think for a minute if getting angry will do anything at all to help the situation they find themselves in.

"You are absolutely right to be upset about this situation, and if you need to take a minute to feel that rage, go right ahead. Once you're ready though, let's take a deep breath, remember that we can't change what's already happened and instead be strategic and intentional about what we do from here to correct for what just happened"

Being able to gain control of yourself is a skill that requires practice. Intrusive thoughts and feelings and emotions happen to everyone, the trick is just recognizing when it's happening. When you recognize that it's happening, take a deep breath and shake it off. For me that means just slowing down and being much more methodical and intentional about anything that I say or do until that fight or flight mode response disengages. Be conscious of the fact that my reflexes cannot be trusted when I am in fight or flight mode.

I don't get mad, but I can't really offer you any advice. I'm just a guy. It's just how I am. I went to a therapist when I was in high school because I don't really have any strong emotions at all, and I was worried something was wrong with me, but he told me it's just how I am, and that one day, when I have a partner, I'll "...either be their rock, or drive them insane."

I proposed to her today. Turns out, that was an inclusive "or".

This is my husband and I ask him on a regular basis. I still have no idea.

It’s a slow process to change how you think. You need to recognize when you have negative thoughts or emotions and correct/remind yourself to have a different response. An example I have, a teen ran a stop sign and gave me the finger. Of course my feelings were anger and frustration. To have it stop bothering me I kind of have to Laugh it off. Try to laugh or chuckle at how they were possibly trying to show off to their passenger. Silly, stupid and dangerous, so laugh at that, like really they think that’s cool aha. It sounds silly but there are some opposite emotions that you can’t feel at the same time. Like anger and laughter, depression and gratitude. It’s slow to change how you think. Be patient and kind to yourself. Everytime you recognize negative thinking is a positive step.

I also have difficulty remembering things. Again it sounds silly but post it notes works for me. On the yard door “wipe paws”. On the coffee maker in the morning “take pills”. Bathroom mirror “brush teeth” rather than forgetting and getting upset at myself, I’m reminded before it’s a problem.

Just some of the things I’ve learned from therapy that have been helpful to me

This probably isn't a helpful response, but for me, once something is inevitable I don't see a point in getting upset, so I don't. For instance I' the dogs tracv dirt through the house, I'd definitely be a bit annoyed that I have to clean it up, but actually letting it get to me would only serve to make my night worse.

breathing exercises, intense exercise, taking timeout to think about about all your stressors and what actions you can take to reduce them in meaningful ways. i also get really mad and stressed out and close to shutting down sometimes/often. im trying to get into a DBT skills course on top of what i already mentioned as things that have been helpful for me but yeah

it depends on what I'm getting mad at. For instance, I don't tend to argue/yell/confront people in real life. I only get mad at people if it's online. In real life if I can look into someone's eyes I'll feel different about it. If it's some racist person or someone being annoying, I look in their eyes and often see a little kid trying to rile people up, so I just feel sad. Or sometimes I'll see nothing in their eyes. If someone is pure evil, I just don't sense their soul anymore, so getting emotionally invested in them is like throwing a bucket of water into a black hole. Anger at them would go nowhere. I dismiss people like that, acknowledge what they are, and tell them to stop doing whatever they're doing. Don't say racist or transphobic or whatever stuff around me, simple as that, you know? usually being direct works the best. I have a 100% success rate so far, because people like that do get embarrassed easily if they're in public, trying to confide something bigoted with me, then I'm not having it.

Anger at situations though? I don't deal with that in a healthy way at all. I turn all of it into self-hatred. I blame myself for every problem I have. If there's a way out of doing that, I'd love to know, because this sucks.

In the end nothing really matters, the universe will suffer a heat death and we're just here for a extremely short ride.