this post was submitted on 08 Mar 2024

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submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 86 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Human: I want to drink alcohol

[–] [email protected] 73 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I will make you sick and turn you into an unlikable blob.

You don't understand how funny i am when i'm drunk.

You pissed yourself the other night.

I'm sooooo funny i swear

[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I'll have to know I have no memory of pissing myself so you can't prove that happened.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Who the hell shit my pants?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

Sorry. That was me

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

See, the thing that has got it all fucked up now is mobile phones.

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad 13 points 5 months ago

Soooo glad the worst of my antics were before everyone had a Livestream capable camcorder in their pocket.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 5 months ago (3 children)

I think that's a bad example because alcohol develops when sugar is half digested by microorganisms. Not sure about the details but alcohol isn't "actively" added to fruits by the plant. The plant wants you to eat the fruit and shit the stone into the woods. Alcohol is a byproduct nobody intended.

Better examples are caffeine, hotness in chili, ...

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad 24 points 5 months ago (1 children)

ok :)

Human: I eat bad fruit

yeast n shit in the fruit: nooo what are you doing we're already eating this!

Human: taste bad!

Yeast n shit: Ya bro that is like literally our shit n waste

Human: ooh i feel funny n good!

Yeast n shit: are you listening to me?

Human: haha fun! grabs another rotten peach

Yeast:...............

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago

Human: this yeast shit is so good we should put yeast in our grape juice, potatoes, barbecue sauce and boil all the water out of it

Government: oh no you don't, not unless you pay us money to do that

Human: but I'm not selling it

Government: M O N E Y!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The plant wants you to eat the fruit and shit the stone into the woods. Alcohol is a byproduct nobody intended.

Can't remember exactly what tree it is, but there's a rainforest tree that's almost entirely pollinated by drunk little monkeys. The monkeys are specifically attracted to the pollen with the highest alcohol content.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Wasn't that a hoax of some doku tv?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (3 children)

What's the apparent evolutionary purpose for developing caffeine?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (2 children)

A really bitter tasting pesticide essentially.

Us mammals coming along recently has changed some things.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Or hot peppers...

Peppers: Mammals no eat, only birds!

Humans: Hold my rotten peach, I'ma set my tongue on fire lolz

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Roasty caffeine 😁. Mmmmmm...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Same as nicotine. It keeps insects away

[–] the_post_of_tom_joad 3 points 5 months ago

Iirc it slows down a type of caterpillars who eat the leaves and makes them smell yummier to predators but i don't remember where i saw it

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That's a good question tbh. If I remember correctly, the effects on other animals (was it insects?) is very different from ours.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

It's toxic to insects, so it's a natural pesticide iirc

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

I want crack.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Kola also archives this with Leaf