jordan @jordan stratton
In order to get a true representation of each country's athletic skill, the Olympics should randomly select citizens to compete like it's jury duty:
Who's next on the balance beam for the US? Is it Simone Biles? Nope it's 39yo electrician, Dale. Wow he does not look confident
I think there should also be the "Ultra" Olympics where each country puts forward their most highly performance enhanced athletes.
“Next up on the javelin throw is Ivan Ivanovich. Weighing in at 450 pounds of pure muscle and built like two refrigerators side by side. Let’s see if he can beat his previous personal best of 2,5 miles…”
Javelin is actually a bad example for this, because javelins were redesigned about 40 years ago to not fly as far.
How is that fair for anyone trying to beat a previous world record? Or have they already all been beaten with the new javelins?
No, the longest throw is from 1984:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men%27s_javelin_throw_world_record_progression
They essentially just restarted records, mostly in the name of safety, as most stadiums don't have the room for people throwing 120+ meters.
Not a problem for Ivanovich. He flexes his steroids at atmospheric friction and the Earth's gravitational pull and lets it fly. All he's gotta do then is beat out the gravitational pull from his delts.
Ultimate Olympics would be a bring-your-own souped-up javelin kind of event.
Like Taskmaster?
Task 1: build the most aesthetically pleasing javelin.
Task 2: throw your javelin the furthest from beyond the rope.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQOiMRQoRRM
And would the untested javelin thrower really be massively better than a tested one? In powerlifting the difference between tested and untested athletes is around 10%. How much further do you throw the javelin if you squat 300kg instead of 270kg?
They already do that, it's called the "Olympics"
Yea I meant like chemically performance enhanced.
Ah, that event is actually called "The Olympics".
AKA the Russian Olympics
With performance enhancing drugs allowed, right?
Anything goes, Russian Olympic Committee style!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAdG-iTilWU
Alongside genetic modification. I want full teams of selectively bred and drugged mutants doing battle.
Can we bring AI enhanced cyborgs?
Inter planetary javelin throws? Maybe just add a dart board on Mars while we're at it.
Mutant Atomic Supermen?
And exoskeletons.
I would like to enter in my own competitor: Tom Howitzer.
Yea like that's the competition, to see who can make the best performance enhancing drugs.
The science Olympics!
Required, preferably!
I would be much more interested in sports in general if they removed all bans on performance enhancing drugs entirely. Football players the size of Buicks who can run through a brick wall without so much as a bruise.
On a slightly related topic, baseball would be a much better sport if you could take the bat with you after you hit the ball.