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Alright, I'll play devil's advocate:
Yes, you are correct in your description of what Section 3 of the 14th Amendment says, and what it should mean. However, there is no legal (as opposed to a dictionary or layman's) definitions on what "insurrection" or "rebellion" are, whether the events of January 6th meet either of those definitions, what the definition of "engaged" is, whether the actions Trump took (or didn't take) meet that definition, and (as you already pointed out) whether the President is considered "an officer under the United States."
Failing any one of those conditions means Trump wins:
As you said, this is facile and semantic, but the unfortunate truth is that our legal system absolutely runs on semantics. We are heading for a Bush v. Gore Redux, especially when you consider how many of the current SCOTUS justices had a hand in that decision.
(And no, Trump shouldn't be allowed to run because traitors usually aren't able to do much of anything.) (edit: had to fix this sentence.)