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I think I read somewhere that friends are made at places where you're both obligated to be. That's why so many friends are made at school or uni, or later in life, work. Personally I tried stand up comedy and had success in meeting friends. Funny people like funny people. My brother found friends in theatre groups. My friend meets his mates at football clubs, and my partner meets her friends as a twitch streamer at meetups.
Yep, this rings true for me, as well. I'm in my 30s now, and pretty much all of my closest friends are people I either went to school with, or worked with. I can think of only one close friend that I met outside of these two circles, and meeting her at all was largely just chance, I think.
A big problem that a lot of people face these days is that they're told to meet new people through shared interests; hobbies, clubs, and other activities outside of your obligated social duties. But for many of these people, myself included, the lack of a real "reason" to share those spaces doesn't encourage meaningful conversation with people. Like OP mentioned, it's largely just shallow small-talk that, while it satisfies that itch to socialize, doesn't really build any meaningful, long-lasting connection with the other person.
I feel like this is the reason a lot of us turn to the internet. Places like Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, and now even here on Lemmy, seem to fill that void without requiring the social commitment of actually going to a place and being present in the moment. At least, that's kinda how I see it, for my own self. Is it better or worse this way? I dunno, I'm nowhere near qualified to answer that.
Community theater is a great way to meet people. Go be in a play. It’s loads of fun.
And keep in mind that there are usually at least two people backstage for every actor. There are tons of technical positions to be filled and they’re just as rewarding.