Asklemmy

Oh, hello there, future me

Yeah pretty much what @[email protected] said (thanks, I was snoozing so couldn't reply).

I wanted to learn because I'm introverted and have social anxiety too.

I kinda forced myself to be sociable during uni: I volunteered, I went to clubs and societies parties, I went to faculty networking events. After uni I hosted a couple of meetups and continued with some voluntary roles in the organisations I'd joined during uni. In my early stage career I had to attend some work events too. Over that time there were friends' birthdays, impromptu parties etc. I live in a large city so there's always something going on.

Throughout this I wanted to find a low friction approach that helped me meet people that didn't leave me totally wrung out at the end of the evening (just less wrung out). I find intense one on one convos to be interesting but more draining. If I went to a party and hit a half hour intense convo out of the gate, then I wouldn't last long. I found if I didn't move around then there would be a high chance I'd get engaged in a long convo, or find myself on my own getting increasingly self conscious. So I had to find out something that worked for me.

But yes, for me it was practice. It's also important not to get too formulaic. You don't want to turn the party into a networking event where you try to meet as many people as possible and grill them with a stock list of questions. (You also don't want to do that at a networking event, either...).

It's also kind of a like that Groucho Marx quote but taken positively vis "I'm happy to be a member of any party that will have me". If you're there, then you're the kind of person who belongs there. There's all sorts of people at a party including people like you who are making an effort™ but you won't know who they are until you meet them.

Hanging out with the host's pet is fine :) for a party ultimately it's just a chance for the host to bring their favourite people together to enjoy themselves, if you're the kind of person the host is friends with, then you've got a good chance of having something in common with the host's other friends you haven't met yet.

I'll say again, it's kinda horses for courses at a party. My way of navigating a party is a rule of thumb I've devised for myself over time, and some other people follow a similar vein for their own reasons. If you do find an activity you enjoy lots, or get into a really interesting discussion with only one person that evening that you both enjoy, then that's cool too! Nobody's really there to enforce everyone has to enjoy it in the same way. If you had fun, then you came out ahead.

I'll step in, failures. A lot, and I mean a lot of failures. It takes a while to learn that there's and ebe and flow to a party, a lot of people feel pressured to always be interesting at a party. Not possible, embrace the flow and learn to let the ebe pass by. I have done sooooo many embarrassing things at a party but you know what, I'm not dead. I'm not an outcast. None of those predictions happened.

Also know when to go home. Every party will hit one of two points late into the night, either the party will run out of gas or it'll rev up. Either way, go home. Nothing good ever happens after 3:00 am.