this post was submitted on 06 Oct 2023
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I've been told I mansplain things because I'll ask someone if they understand something and then explain it anyways.
What they don't realize is the amount of times I've asked someone if they understood something, have them say yes, then explain it, and they had no idea what I was talking about.
I'm not doing it to be condescending. I'm doing it so I know you actually understand what I'm saying.
I'm also autistic so it's probably just that but it's infuriating either way.
I find it gets a lot simpler, stupid people are adverse to being told anything by anyone who knows more.
I've never once felt condescended to just because someone was explaining something I understand, I feel vindicated that someone agrees with me and knows what I know so we share common grounds for communication.
The problem is people conflating actual condescension with explanation.
That was an explanation, if you still don't understand I'll grab some crayons and we can find out your favourite flavour.
That was condescension.
If anyone still needs help understanding I'm happy to take questions. Those behaving in good faith will be explained to, those choosing to be belligerent will be condescended to.
And those that think you can fight misogyny with misandry, well you need some more books in your kitchen.
That's a joke.
Have you thought about just letting people fail, even if they say they understand and you know full well that they don't? Failing is an important learning experience that often leads to a more positive learning outcome.
I had a tendency to do exactly as you described when I first started working in academic/corporate settings but someone else pointed this same thing out to me and it's honestly been a gift that keeps on giving.
"That asshole knew I was wrong and did nothing!"
"That asshole must have explained it wrong!"
Some people will always have an excuse.