this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
558 points (94.3% liked)
Asklemmy
43853 readers
740 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- [email protected]: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Why the personal attacks? I personally don't have problems with that, I have a relatively happy family which struggles with the usual shit - no own place to live and health stuff, but I think I can safely assume neither of that is a result of my personality. I'd even say that when it comes to people, more people I've met personally probably like me than dislike me.
Your comment is the exact kind of shit men have to deal with - I mention something that concerns me, which is how men are treated as villains in media and social media and your advice is to "figure that shit out". No, thank you, I have nothing to figure out, I just shared some observations I have.
The reason there's often backlash when a man says "not all men" is because its similar to saying "all lives matter" after someone says "Black lives matter". It's often said in a way that detracts from a conversation around women's struggles.
Also, from personal experience, if a women says something about men being the worst, or men are bad, it's not because they hate all men. My wife says men are trash all the time, but she married one. She says that because she has been victimized by way too many men. Harassed by a multitude of guys. I've seen the messages she's gotten, heard her stories, and just listened to her experiences as a woman. It's honestly worse than you'd think if you've only lived as a man. And now I say men are trash too.
And it's NOT all individual men, but there is an underlying culture of toxic masculinity that exists. There's healthy and positive masculinity too, but it's not seen by some women. I've been told by several women that I'm "one of the good ones" just because I'm doing the bare minimum to be a good person. That's not the norm, and I'm seeing that more and more in the people I'm around irl and online as well.
So it sucks being grouped in with villainous men, I get it. It was something I struggled with at first. But I know that some women have to default to "all men suck" as a defense because of what they've been through. And it's more beneficial for me to focus on being a good person and calling out shitty behavior, than arguing whether it's all men or most men or some men if I want to help make a positive impact.