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People who are or have dated more than one person, how did it work out? (piefed.social)

submitted 3 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I've been with a lady for two years and recently started dating her new boyfriend. We all consented to the relationship and so far, it's going good. I've also heard from some people though who used to date many people that it didn't work out so they decided to date monogamously.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

My partner and I met as young, straight, and monogamous. We've been together for 18 years, and married for 13. We opened our relationship about 10 years ago, and now each have two other partners we've been with for several years (with some dating in between). We love where our lives have ended up, and are very glad we started dating multiple people. It's definitely more complicated to manage multiple intimate relationships, but worth the effort if you're inclined that way, I think.

Edit: just because I've seen other comments, I figure I should say that we tell people we're polyamorous as shorthand, but we all mostly practice some form of relationship anarchy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

glad it worked out for y'all! It seems rare for a monogamous relationship to be successfully opened up, rather than it being the expectation from the outset. I can imagine it being a big challenge and test of your compatibility + ability to communicate. Was that your experience?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

For sure! I think in a lot of ways, my first partner and I got lucky on the compatibility front. We've just always vibed super well, and usually come to the same conclusions about stuff, even if it's by different means. I think we were also both pretty inclined towards multiple relationships, even though we didn't really realize it until we'd been together for a long time.

Communication is definitely key, though. There are a lot of things that are kinda implicit in a monogamous relationship that you need to talk about more explicitly when it's open. I think we're also lucky in that we're both friends with each other's partners.

Honestly, the biggest hurdle was at first was insecurity, both about the relationship and myself (and herself as well). Getting over the idea that your partner may ditch you for another person they have NRE with is hard, despite assurances. Obviously, that never happened. These days, I'm so far from that version of myself these days that it's kinda funny to look back on, at least.