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What is the etiquette for skipping after-work events? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

18 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I work remote, but occasionally have to travel to New York City for in-office events. During these events I sit in a conference room with the rest of my team all day. We usually have a team dinner planned during the week or something.

Tuesday I got into New York and later that night we went out to dinner. This ended up going until 10:30pm, which is pretty late for me (I usually am in bed by 10). It was also announced that day that we would go bowling today (Wednesday). After a day of sitting in a conference room for 8 straight hours, I really didn't feel like going out with my coworkers or drinking beer til 10 or 11 at night. I told my coworkers I was going to skip it because I wanted to go to the gym and I made something up about having to file my taxes by tonight, but I think they generally understood that I just didn't want to go.

I also was never explicitly invited; we were just told "we are going bowling on Wednesday", so I think there was the expectation that I go, but I strongly feel that nobody should be obligated to go to an after-work event (especially since I already went to one).

How would you handle the situation? How do you get out of these kinds of events?

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[–] hellothere 47 points 1 week ago (1 children)

What I remind myself is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It's perfectly OK to say that after a long day your brain is soup and you just want to chill for the evening.

It's also fine to say that your tired, but will come out for one or two and then leave, and then do just that. Obviously if you find yourself having a better time and enjoying it you can stay out.

I find that adults respect other adults more if you are upfront about your own boundaries. You also don't need to make excuses, try to have the confidence to be straight forward and say you're tired and will skip this one, or whatever.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

This is the correct answer. Don't listen to the people telling you to just say "no" without anything else. This doesn't sound like a factory job or retail job, this sounds like an office job. In white collar offices it's important to maintain good relationships with your coworkers. Don't go out all the time if you don't want to, but decline the invitation in a polite pleasant way