this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2025
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Never really thought too much about the friendzone thing, but this is pretty interesting read from the "friend's" perspective. Not sure what to make of it since I haven't been on "open markets" for many many years and I'm basically friend-zoning everyone and there's no expectations for anything else, but happy to have read it
It's a phenomenon that's always puzzled me a bit - the concept of the 'friendzone'. Who is out there pretending to make friends in the hopes of getting a girlfriend? If the motivation is carnal, surely there are easier ways to get laid; if the motivation is romantic, surely any friendship valuable enough to be worth considering girlfriend material on is also worth preserving on its own merits if the friend doesn't want to go any further? I suppose I understand if you've accidentally and quietly fallen madly in love and your heart is completely broken, but that hardly accounts for how widespread complaints about being 'friendzoned' are.
It's just bizarre. We socialize my gender so fucking poorly in our society.
I think it can happen for a number of reasons.
One is that location plays a distressingly familiar role in romantic relationships (we fall in love with the people who happen to be around us). Another is that casual intimacy goes out of the window for many boys after a certain age - their friends and family have stopped touching them, so if a girl treats them as they normally would another female friend, and does something meaningless like gently squeeze their elbow, it's the most amount of intimacy the boy has experienced in a while, and it gets elevated beyond its intent.
Also don't underestimate how easily many 15-year old boys "fall in love". If it is really love or just a craving for intimacy, is only determined later.
Source: have 1 year of experience being a 15-year old boy
Its just not that binary and people change their minds (intentionally and unintentionally). Let's say you meet some people and you're not sure if you'd like to date any of them, but you at least know you'd like to get to know them and hang out more. Then after getting to know them (likely in group settings) you then realize that you'd like to date one of them. Then you get the courage to ask and they're not interested and just wanted to be friends. Sprinkle in some apprehension here and there and then you have the meme. It's not as black and white as immediately categorizing people you meet as "friend" or "carnal" and then sticking with that label forever. None of this is static and we're all just making it up as we go.