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Most drain cleaners are not acids but bases - same basic idea but the other end of the pH scale. Bleach is an example of a corrosive base you're probably familiar with. Bases were used because they were more compatible with the solder that connected copper pipes in older homes. For non-corrosive cleaners they fall into a couple classes:
Fizzy things. These loosen clogs by bubbling them apart. They are typically made by mixing a weak acid with a base - hello vinegar and baking soda! The acid may help a bit with dissolving some clogs. These can take a while
Enzyme based cleaners. An active enzyme will digest some of the bonds in hair and other components of the clog. These can take hours to be effective so don't be in a rush.
Temperature based. Fats often make up a big component of clogs. Something as simple as boiling water can do a lot to loosen up a clog. There are fancier mixtures that will warm up the pipe to try to get things flowing.
Bases are much more effective at breaking up organic matter than acids. You can pour concentrated acid on your hand to little effect if you rinse it off quickly. You will not be able to do this with strong bases (think that scene from Fight Club). Strong bases rapidly destroy organic matter.
If you need to dissolve a body, use lye, not some acid.
Yep. Strong bases feel soapy to the touch, not because they are, but because they're literally turning your skin into soap almost instantly.
I learned this about bleach a while back! I remember wondering why bleach felt slimy to the touch, even though it looked like it had roughly the same consistency as water. Turns out it wasn't the bleach that was slimy, it was me. I am the slime.
This was a horrific fact to read
Thick bleach is actually slimy, though.
Thick bleach is just bleach that has already found a victim.
That may be true, but lye and bleach are still slippery with gloves on.
I've stuck my hand in sulfuric acid and lye. No problem. You will instantly locate each and every microscopic cut on your hand. Sulfuric reacts with water to dilute instantly. Lye OTOH, yeah, takes a minute to get that off. But you will never see your hands so perfectly clean!
And if y'all mess with either, wear some damned goggles. A glass of water to the eye will quickly fix sulfuric, but you're screwed if you splash lye in there.