this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
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Feeling lonely sucks, but man, whenever I'm listening to some people talk about past relationships they've been in, I end up feeling happy it hasn't happened yet.
I blame my parents. They have such an amazing mutually respectful, supportive and loving marriage that it has set an impossible standard for me to realize.
I wish media depicted more healthy relationships.
Half of people don't seem to even have an idea of what mundane everyday loving behaviour actually looks like. And the other half does know, but fetishise unhealthy bullshit. (TBH I do too, but I want to engage in it playfully, not full on I will now proceed to straight up destroy you emotionally that I've run into with some people. )
And when they do they often portray them as effortless "found my soulmate" kind of relationships which is not how the real world works. Even if you have an amazing partner you need to put in effort to be an amazing partner to them yourself.
The fairy tale love affairs of fictional people hardly ever linger on the "mundane everyday loving behaviour" that I consider core to a functioning relationship.
I literally put that crap in the trash right along with the depictions of dysfunctional relationships in media.
Depictions of happy relationships, are not automatically depictions of healthy relationships.
That's why I like the series Heartbreaker so much. It shows healthy relationships, and it also shows how hard relationships (and life in general) can still be.
My parents are the complete opposite of yours and I always felt like I had no role model to imitate. The thing is, you have to find your own way. And the one thing all parents need to teach their kids is independent thinking. Unfortunately, that also makes them harder to control, so many parents work actively against that.
The one imposing the standard is entirely me. My parents deliberately STEPPED AWAY from controlling me and my siblings lives as we came into adulthood. They're incredible.
Today we all treat each other like adults, (and humor mom by allowing her to baby us a bit) they've completely stepped down from being controlling influences in our lives. They advise, show concern, and voice opinions, but since turning 18, they've never once acted like we can't do as we please.
The way the acted towards us and each other left a huge impression. As I've gone on to live life I've truly come to realize and appreciate my parents are 2 in a million. I didn't realize the significance of it while growing up, but thinking back now, the things they did blow me away. Like who makes a point of explaining each mistake they've made raising someone, as they realize what they were, TO that someone, and apologizing for them openly?!
I think it's actually made me and my siblings easier to control, we always listen if they have something to say, because we all see that they're two of the wisest people we'll ever know.