Chat

306 readers

1 users here now

Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.

Subcommunities on Beehaw:

AskBeehaw

This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

Making friends in adulthood (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

10 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Is it really harder to find true, meaningful friendships (not romantic and/or sexual) in more 'adult' years or is this an introverts problem? I am quite introverted at first, I would never just start a friendly conversation with a stranger and work friends usually are just work friends. I moved to UK in 2019 and since then I had few different jobs and connected with people from work, but none of them wanted to stay in touch outside work. I was a bit confused, as I thought those people enjoyed my company as much I did theirs. Not even sure if this is maybe a cultural thing? I grew up in Poland and Eastern European people are more direct than British, so you know straight away of they like you or not. What are your experiences? How do you deal with meeting new people?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Most friendships are based around convince. After a long enough period, and a little intentionality, you drift into friendships that based simply on the fact that you're friends.

Take a moment and think about where you've met your friends over your life. School, work, sports, volunteering, your neighborhood, etc. These are all excuses to get together and see each other over and over that aren't focused on the relationship itself. After a little while, you figure out which people in the group you like that have the time and interest to be friends with you. You won't always get your way, but you can literally put yourself out there as much as possible and make friends when the opportunities arise.

You don't have to be the life of the party, you just need a reasonable excuse to see the same people over and over.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I think you are spot on about the convenience.

One of the most effective ways to build social relationships is to be a regular somewhere. Could be a bar, cafe, park, library, front yard, walking route, gym, or a more organized hobby group. Just be a familiar face and appear at least once a week (more is better). Something local to you is going to make the barrier to getting off the couch and being at your regular spot all the lower, to make sure you're sticking with it.

If there isn't something near you that feels like the "right fit" for you to spend your time, it's a worthy goal to put in the work to make it that way.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

I have childhood friends. I have romantic partners. I have adult friendships are based around convenience. My social life is the web of friendships surrounding my childhood friends and my romantic partners plus the current convenience friends.

Writing that out I realize I might not have deep friendships with people I've met as an adult because I don't extend my social circle to include more of their friends. I'm just a dangling friendship in their lives not part of their larger network of friends.

I wonder what that's about.