this post was submitted on 06 Jun 2023
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Most friendships are based around convince. After a long enough period, and a little intentionality, you drift into friendships that based simply on the fact that you're friends.
Take a moment and think about where you've met your friends over your life. School, work, sports, volunteering, your neighborhood, etc. These are all excuses to get together and see each other over and over that aren't focused on the relationship itself. After a little while, you figure out which people in the group you like that have the time and interest to be friends with you. You won't always get your way, but you can literally put yourself out there as much as possible and make friends when the opportunities arise.
You don't have to be the life of the party, you just need a reasonable excuse to see the same people over and over.
I think you are spot on about the convenience.
One of the most effective ways to build social relationships is to be a regular somewhere. Could be a bar, cafe, park, library, front yard, walking route, gym, or a more organized hobby group. Just be a familiar face and appear at least once a week (more is better). Something local to you is going to make the barrier to getting off the couch and being at your regular spot all the lower, to make sure you're sticking with it.
If there isn't something near you that feels like the "right fit" for you to spend your time, it's a worthy goal to put in the work to make it that way.
I have childhood friends. I have romantic partners. I have adult friendships are based around convenience. My social life is the web of friendships surrounding my childhood friends and my romantic partners plus the current convenience friends.
Writing that out I realize I might not have deep friendships with people I've met as an adult because I don't extend my social circle to include more of their friends. I'm just a dangling friendship in their lives not part of their larger network of friends.
I wonder what that's about.