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dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone? (programming.dev)

submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

62 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.

Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses's Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything's ok. I don't care about this person's life.

The first 2 times I didn't think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it's becoming tiring.

I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don't ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.

going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I'm starting to hate his voice.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Tell him you feel shy around him because you're attracted to him, and then ask him out on a date. Either he'll leave you alone or you'll get some. Win/win

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Why would your advice be to commit sexual harassment in the work place?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Telling someone you are attracted to them and asking them out is not sexual harassment. It might be against workplace rules, but that depends on the workplace. Having consensual sex with someone after a date is also not sexual harassment. It could be seen as "quid pro quo" if one of them is the other's boss.

If at any point the person asks you to stop and you continue, then that is sexual harassment.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Op didn’t say they were attracted to them. You know this.

You gave advice as a way to creep someone out as an alternative solution to being left alone. That is using sexual harassment as a mode of operation.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

OP didn't say they were unattracted to them either. And if you saw my advice as anything other than a joke, that's on you.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 weeks ago

‘It’s just a joke’ yup, that’s been said by sexual predators before too.