this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2024
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The true key is…counterintuitive as this sounds, not looking.
Try enjoying yourself, meeting people, doing things you like. People can sense desperation or dishonesty in you when you’re feigning interest or trying to get in their pants. Just…be a decent person, and you can find people who you get along with. It happens more naturally that way and you’re more likely to find…yknow, people you like and who like you.
And plus, once you do have a relationship, it'll be a lot stronger because you won't desperately need to be in that relationship at any costs.
I agree with your overall comment but would also expand on this point. It's ok to be looking (and open about that fact) but you're right that looking for a romantic/sexual relationship is a lot easier when it's combined with looking for other things at the same time, like the other things you're talking about: people to share conversations with, to share hobbies with, to do things with, to learn from, to accomplish things with. Because after all, even if you do find someone to be a romantic partner, you'll want all those other things as part of it, too.
Most people who share your interests or want to do things with you won't be potential partners. I'm a straight cis guy with a lot of stereotypical straight guy interests, which means that the majority of people I meet through my hobbies are other straight guys, and none of us want to date each other. Even most of the women aren't in the dating pool (age, relationship status, other factors).
Being social creates opportunities to meet partners. For people who are able to do that, being social is the easiest way to create the environment where potential partners want to talk to you and want to explore compatibility with you.