this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2024
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Warlocks are the pets of other beings doing tricks to earn treats.
Aren't we all?
The thing with cats is they assume they're the patron.
Love to be dragged into a plane of eternal torment and subjected to the most nightmarish cruelty my patron can devise, because I failed to fulfill condition XXVI.a.243-0.1 in the infernal contract.
Love to have a creature of mad whimsy show up to cause sheer bedlam at the worst possible moment, because I stumbled in a grove half-starved and ate fruit from the wrong Fae Lord's magical bush a lifetime ago.
Love to be forever trapped under the unblinking eye of the Divine Surveillance State with an angel's merciless glare boring holes into the back of my neck because my great-great-great-grandfather pledged himself to the seventh generation as part of the Glorious Crusade of the Most Righteous High One.
Warlocks having so much fun right now... weee... :-(
My pact was that I gave a unicorn some carrots in return for a 1d10 cantrip.
My gnome warlock got their power from getting married to a fae lord after a drunken night of revelry. Their pact was the divorce settlement and their familiar was their lawyer.
It is so fun to play the straight person around random bedlam.
It's a Patrón thing. I'd be having more fun than anyone else if I were hammered right now.