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I agree with all that and I don't blame you for leaving there if that's the experience you had. I do think even the best moderation will have bias. It's also a thankless job. I've done it before on Facebook and the amount of work it takes to resolve a conflict it a bit crazy for an unpaid gig. The medium of text isn't well suited to it unless you're retired or something and have lots of free time. And that's also the people who in good faith genuinely feel they've been wronged for not being given carte blanche in the group.
Automoderation can be helpful in detecting patterns and alleviating work from the moderators so they can spend time with their families* etc. I would say to anyone who is frustrated by that to think of it from the moderators perspective: "if I'm still in the automod queue, they must be really under pressure". That kind of empathy online would make the role of moderator a bit more appealing to someone like myself, at least.
I agree with you about federation. It seems to be a really good solution, although it's in its infancy and discoverability and accessibility are still an issue.