this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, "Yeah all the time." I can't tell if it's sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we've heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

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[–] [email protected] 65 points 3 months ago (5 children)

As the only female on Lemmy I'm here to say maybe. Possibly anything could be used for penetration. I have personally never used a vegetable. A cucumber could be too large and intimidating for a young girl so hair brush handles are top tier.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 months ago (1 children)

A cucumber could be too large

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Average men everywhere

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It is not the size, it's your ability to give me an orgasm I care about. Sincerely, a woman.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Seriously. I'm not a woman so my experience is from the other side of things, but if there is anything I'm glad I've learned in the bedroom it's that you have to find out what she likes and not just assume. Not all women like being pounded like crazy and at the same time not all women like having their clit focused on. You need to find the sweet spot(s) and also learn how to use them, so to speak.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Absolutely. And a lot of women never learn to have G spot orgasms so it's a learning curve for them too. But having them vs clitoral orgasms is like the difference between learning Spanish and learning Italian.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

What is the difference between learning Spanish or Italian?!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Italian is more bellissimo. So is your G spot orgasm. It's like 100 times more intense.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

I will concur that I've never used a vegetable or fruit either. Just seems dirty. Toothbrush or other plastic toy were my first go tos, (plus bath water) but really, can't emphasize this enough, a lot of girls don't need penetration to get off. Just clitoral stimulation.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago (1 children)

After talking to a few honest (or tipsy) women about their early sexual discovery I know the high likely hood of that Micky Mouse electric toothbrush getting absolutely violated.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Mine was like this long cylindrical toy that was basically a weeble wobble. And a kooshball at the end of a pen (for clitoral stimulation).

https://offerup.com/item/detail/577a38e0-dd43-30c9-b992-38d3645a9362

https://www.ebay.com/itm/204698392802?chn=ps&mkevt=1&mkcid=28&com_cvv=8fb3d522dc163aeadb66e08cd7450cbbdddc64c6cf2e8891f6d48747c6d56d2c

The koosh ball slapped, didn't look exactly like the above. It was really really good. I've never been able to find something to replace it with and I've been looking for years.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

lol, for boys it was definitely the "water snake"

https://a.co/d/67SgmBT

Absolutely insane how creative a hard-up young'un can get.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I mean not all cucumbers are that huge. You could get a smaller cariant or just a smaller specimen. I do see your point though.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Yea that's why I said "could".

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago

As the other female on Lemmy, I would be worried that a piece of cucumber would snap off mid wank and I'd be left trying to pick seeds out of my cooter. I have never done anything like this.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Is standard procedure to rawdog the vegetable or are a combination of lube and/or condoms used?

Asking for a friend.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If your only option is a cucumber then it's 100% raw dogged because you don't have access to anything else.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I've used cling wrap. Keeps both the cucumber and my bits clean.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Now the big question. Was that particular cucumber eaten or discarded?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I used it to make Asian cucumber salad.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Curious. Now I'm feeling hungry.